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TASK ONE IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING LINE CHART



Bams17 28 / 38  
Nov 19, 2016   #1
The line chart shows information about total of amount of money a city council presented to the book clubs during four year measured by pound sterling. Overall, it can be seen that total of money which is given by city council always bigger than total of the book clubs.

Total money stood at 20,000 in the first year after that increase steadily by 3,000 in the second year from 20,000 followed by dramatic raise in the third year and peak at 40,000. However, in the last period the trend change decline dramatically by 37,000.

On the other word, books club has reversed pattern with total money pattern. First of all, the data of book groups stood at 6000, then in the next year slight decline by 5000. In the third years, book clubs rise significantly by 10000. In addition, trend of book clubs always increase from the last 2 years and reached at 12000 in the last period.

faizunaa17 49 / 66  
Nov 19, 2016   #2
Hello Syeikh Bambang, let me give you some suggestions:

The line chart shows information about total of amount ofTHE TOTAL / THE AMOUNT money OFaTHE city council THAT IS presented to the book clubs during four yearYEARSTHAT IS measured by pound sterling. POUNDSTERLING

1 THE TOTAL = THE AMOUNT ---> has same meaning. Use one of them

2. Article "a" is used if you still don't know what it refer to. Article "THE" is used when you already know what the data refer to. It can be seen that your data refers to the table, so, use "THE" not "A"

3. PRESENTED ---> past form. THAT IS PRESENTED ----> passive form. In your sentence, it looks like means passive form "diberikan, diukur menggunakan"

4. FOUR YEAR"S" ----> PLURAL FORM.

Overall, it can be seen that THE total of money which is given by THE city council IS always bigger than THE total of the book clubs. (WHAT IS YOUR MEANING? "UANG YANG DIBERIKAN OLEH PEMERINAH SELALU LEBIH BESAR DARIPADA JUMLAH KLUB BUKU". IT LOOKS LIKE "TIDAK NYAMBUNG".

5. ARTICLE "THE" PROBLEM AGAIN

5. IS ALWAYS BIGGER ---> DON'T FORGET USE VERB. A SENTENCE MUST CONTAIN SUBJECT AND VERB.

Since you don't upload the picture of your task, sorry i can't continue my correction into your BODY PARAGRAPH.
Next, you must upload it to make the contributor easier to correct it.

BREAK A LEG AKHIII SOLEEEH


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