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IELTS, One year off after secondary school and before starting university.


agi 13 / 30 4  
Mar 1, 2014   #1
Hello Guys,
Please give me your invaluable feedback on my essay.
Thanks a million.

Essay Topic: Some people think students should be encouraged to work or travel after finishing secondary education and before starting university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Choosing the right major is one of significant decision on one's life. However, that decision is heavily influenced with our parents and peers' advice. I partly agree with given idea and having a year off after completing a high school would lead student to make own career choice and develops some interpersonal skills. Reasons and examples will be outlined below.

To begin with, working or travelling the experience prior to going to university has a positive effect on one's life. It is especially helpful with graduates who are trying to make a career choice. They could know that which area they should be specialized in and decides which subject they truly interested in: French or businessmen or social worker. Therefore, they will not feel regret in which by telling that I should have choice other major instead of choosing suggested profession from family members, teachers and friends.

Furthermore, graduates learn how they should communicate with people from different background. By travelling to abroad or working with others, they meet with new people, customs and culture. Thereby, it becomes easier to manage a relation with other international and domestic students at university. Moreover, by meeting with more experienced people, student could learn from them, in particularly, their time management, organizational and leadership skills.

Nevertheless, most children are reluctant to having a year off. They do not want to be behind from their peers with career, work experience and so forth. Otherwise, they feel depressed and are highly likely to perform poorly at workplace. It is a fact that due to lack of budget, parents could not send their children to travel in other country.

In the conclusion, I am strongly convinced that graduating student should be encouraged to have a year off after finishing the high school, that would result in right professional selection and develop some personal skills.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 1, 2014   #2
Choosing the right major is one of significant decision on one's life. However, that decision is heavily influenced with our parents and peers' advice. I partly agree with given idea and having a year off after completing a high school would lead student to make own career choice and develops some interpersonal skills. Reasons and examples will be outlined below.

You have gone out of topic here. Your topic is not about choosing a major, but about whether they should take a gap year for travelling or working between secondary and tertiary level of education. When you introduce your topic, you should not deviate from its original idea. Keep more alignment between your prompt and your writing.
OP agi 13 / 30 4  
Mar 2, 2014   #3
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