Please help me review my essay and give score corresponding to IELTS band if you can.
Thank you very much in advance.
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
People argue that the advantages of digital books or newspapers will lead to the disappearance of the traditional ones. I strongly agree with this opinion.
The primary reason why nobody will purchase the printed books and newspapers is due to their negative effects on environment. Conventional books and newspapers are made from wood, and hence a plethora of trees has to be cut to provide materials for paper manufacturing process. This could exacerbate the deforestation which is a headache issue of all countries around the globe. To address this critical problem, many goverments have imposed higher taxes on wood-made products, and books or newspapers are one of the bypass products of woods. As a result, the price of books and newspapers shoots up and forces people think about another economic way to replace printed books and newspapers.
On the other hands, there is a variety of advantages of electronic books and newspapers. Firstly, they do not need to be printed out on the papers so that they are very friendly to environment, and the manufacturing and printing of books and newspapers are significantly reduced. Therefore, their price is much cheaper than the printed books and newspapers, and people can afford to buy them. Secondly, people can easily update news or information anytime and anywhere as long as they have a smartphone connecting to wifi. This is an extraordinary benefit for busy people who has a limit of time per day. Finaly, the high quality and vivid image helps the digital books and newspapers outweigh the conventional ones.
In my conclusion, the purchase of printed newspapers or books will be decreasingly dropped and people will prefer to buy digital ones due to their obvious advantages.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,857 4179
You will only receive a general review of your work. Scoring is a premium service that is provided to students who avail of our private review services or, those who make their posts URGENT. Any student who dares to score your work, will find his account suspended for violating forum rules as clearly indicated in the text box.
You have written just the right length of an essay, but failed to edit your work for errors. When you have extra time after completing the draft, always go back to check for errors you can correct. That way, you lessen the errors and increase your chance at a higher final score. In this case, there are spelling, C&C, and grammar errors in the presentation.
This is also a single opinion, not a comparative essay. The opening paraphrase does have a good 2 sentences in it. However, the strength of your opinion does not have an opinion to help support it in the first paragraph. The inclusion of the 2 discussion topics to support your opinion will help clarify the flow of your defense topics to the examiner. So the proper format would have been:
I strongly agree with this opinion based on the reasons that (1) and (2).
After which you can use an expanded version of the topics as the topic sentences to anchor every reasoning paragraph on. Remember, you are scored on the clarity of your opinion. The clarity is based on how well you can use reasoning and deduction in your paragraphs. Which is why this is never written as a comparison essay.
The concluding paragraph needs to be summarized in 40 words or 2 -5 sentences. 3 sentences being the ideal because you will be able to properly restate the topic, your opinion, and the reasons you provided in the preceding discussion. Thus further strengthening your final opinion and giving you the opportunity to strengthen your closing presentation.
Your first paragraph should add more sentence to clarify what you want to explain in the essay.