A large family is a happy family
The more economy develops, the less large family appear. Large family just exists in the past, however, It still has both advantages and disadvantages.
A large family always a happy family. When parents have many children, they no longer think about the divorce. Being parents always have many pressures, but our children can make us have more determination and efforts in both their life and job. I will be happier and It will lead to the progress in my economy, it will also play an irreplaceable role in mental development.
Moreover, when parents become older and retire, besides pension, we can count on our children. The children grow, finish college and have a job means their parents' happiness and pride. Children will look after their parents when they need and when parents pass away, the will come into the poverty their parents and ancestor left for them.
However, the more children we have, the more money we need. The society is changing, therefore, the living standard is keeping higher. Parents cannot afford education, food and demand for children. It's hard to pay attention to each individual member in such a large familly, It also leads to the arguments between the children.
In my opinion, I feel like to have many children. It may lead to many disadavantages in life, but If we are united, nothing may threaten to us.
I'm a new member and would you please correct my essay and give me some feedback? From 0 to 3, my essay is at which points?
Thank you very much.
Hello siatina,
I think your introduction needs a rework as the general statement doesn't quite relate to the question.
In the 2nd paragraph, using words such as always may sound a bit extreme. Consider using usually, may, could... Also, I think there are many married couples who still get divorced despite having kids due to financial issues.
As mentioned above, money is the underlying factor of many divorces and this matter is explained quite clear in your 3rd paragraph. Hence, the idea in paragraph 1 may conflict with the argument in par 3.
I don't know the criteria to give you a mark on the scale of 0-3. Please consider my suggestions.
Hello Siatina, also you've to mention the experience you will learn from the older ones and the good times you will spend together; you'll have several occasions to celebrate..
I advise you to clarify the conclusion more and mention more powerful and logical reasons ..
Good luck
@siatina
Additionally, maybe try using impersonal speech. Omit words such as I and we and replace it with passive voice or more impersonal structures.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Huong, you did not write the minimum number of words for this essay. To be considered for actual scoring based on the 4 considerations, you have to write at least 250 words. Anything less than that (201 words in this case) will result in an automatic failing score. Nothing else, no other scoring consideration will be able to help you pass this test because there will be deductions for every wrote under the minimum word count in your essay. So, the lack of words that will result in penalties for your work, plus other mistakes, will result in the lowest possible score for this essay. You will not pass the test if you do not write at least the minimum number of words, which is 250.
Since this is a personal opinion essay, you are expected to use all first person pronouns in your discussion. That is because no other opinion is being considered in the overall discussion. Therefore, you need to take an active voice in this presentation. Otherwise, you will not be able to properly discuss the first person opinion requirement of this essay in an acceptable manner. Always use a formal structure of presentation because this is an academic essay.
Thank you for your feedbacks. Next week I will submit the fixed essay and I hope you will give me your feedback next time.
you have to concern about the (s) if it is singular. for instance : The more economy develops, the less large family appear(s).
the question is stated advantages and disadvantages, you need to paraphrase the question. do not use the same words.
you can change those into benefits and drawbacks.
do not abbreviate something when it comes to an essay. its not formal. for example: It's hard to pay attention.
