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WRITING TASK 1: opinions of male and female members about a city sports club.

James Hoang 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2017   #1

satisfaction of sports club's members

The table gives the statistics of the percentages of 3 levels of satisfaction voted by members of a city sports club as regards range of activities, facilities and opening hours.

Overall, it is clear that female members are more satisfied with the opening hours than men, meanwhile, the remaning ones are voted with higher satisfaction in men than women.

As can be seen, in an aspect of activities, only a mere 5% of male members are not satistifed with compared to a third of female members who are not pleased. Additionally, both men and women are very satisfied with the club facilities with 63% and 64% respectively; however, the ratio of no satisfaction of women is larger than men, 14% compared to one in ten.

Interestingly, women are very satisfied with the last one with approximately three-quarters (72%), while just 44% and 19% of men are very satisfied and satisfied. Remarkably, 37% of male members are more not satisfied with the opening hours than women, with 37% compared by only 3%.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,780 3100  
Nov 25, 2017   #2
Huy , you neglected to upload the table image that you were given to assess for the writing part of this analysis essay. I cannot really consider the essay that you wrote appropriate at this point because I do not have the image to compare it with. The major requirement that our forum has for the task 1 essay review is that you have to include the illustration for our review. A general word of advice for your essay development though. Don't write only 2 sentences. Don't try to get by using different punctuation marks. There is only one punctuation mark that is your friend in this essay and that is the period. The period allows you to develop simple and complex sentences which increases two important scoring points in the essay, the C&C and the GRA score. Right now your presentation is limited in abilities and can be improved. I just can't point out the specific improvement points because of the missing illustration.
PeterBrown 16 / 25 6  
Nov 28, 2017   #3
... male members are not satistifed unsatisfied with compared ...

You use the same word too many times. You can replace the word satisfied with something like contented. Also try to avoid using not, For example, not satisfied = unsatisfied.

Compared = in comparison to etc

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