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There are many opportunities to be an entrepreneur - and benefits too.



mardian24 46 / 60  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Several start-up companies have existed in this era. It is happen because there are many opportunities to be an entrepreneur. Although, some people think that work as a employee is the best choice in life. I believe that people who have their own company giving more positive effects than drawbacks.

Firstly, people who become entrepreneur have flexible time to manage their own business. They can choose what time do the company open and decide when it will be closed. Also, if people have a lot of orders from customer, they can open the company longer than usual. A further benefit is that people can open job opportunity. It is very helpful due to they can decrease the amount of unemployment in their neighbourhood. After that, the government is helped by reducing the rate of poverty level in a country. And of course, the owner of company feels satisfying because they can help other people.

On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur has drawbacks effect. First of all is high-risk. It happens because if there is something bad happening, the company easily get bankrupt. Skills are needed to manage the company. Another disadvantage is that there are many competitors that compete to get many profits. The worse think that will occur is criminality. The competitor can do anything to be leader market.

All in all, I think to be an entrepreneur is more benefits than working in office as an employee. However, someone who wants to start business should think twice about the risk of tax and they must have big capital to make big company and to anticipate if there is a problem in financial sector.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
HI Mardian, it looks to me like this essay would score a decent 5 in an actual test. You actually have the ability to convey your thought process in an understandable manner. Your sentences do not stress the reader because the grammar situation is not as bad as it could have been. There is a clear understanding of the prompt, but there are areas that need improvement.

Some areas of improvement include learning to create topic paragraphs. You have a tendency to discuss all of your reasons in one paragraph instead of spacing them out. By spacing out your topics, you will be able to present better evidence in support of each evidence presented. This will in turn, show that you have the ability to think coherently and present your ideas in a logical manner. In the end, learning this process will allow you to present the reader with an easy to understand essay.


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