Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to attract good students, many universities spend a lot of money in society activities.
school's money allocation to attract good students
With the increasingly intense competition in attracting good students between different school these days, many communities have been heartedly debating on the school's money allocation to attract good students. Some people believe that it is reasonable to spend a lot of money in social activities. While other hold the opposite opinion that this money can be allocated into more meaningful ways to attract good students. Frankly, the latter standpoint, I believe, is more convincing.
Admittedly, a minority of individuals tend to believe that social activities can enrich students' social life to some extent. To be more specific, students can join different activities since scores of money spent on social activities. Meanwhile, through these activities, it is a good opportunity for students to communicate with people who take part in as well. Thus, students can acquire more social skills which will exert a huge profound impact on their lives.
However, schools, as the academic institutions, have the obligation to give higher priority to the funding of other areas than to that of social activities. To start with, the money can be put into the improvement of the fundamental equipment, for example, library. This is because students will look through some information about the projects or read the books they interest in in the library. According to a latest research about the reading ability conducted by China Youth and Children Research Center in 2017, those students who always like to go to the library can address 70% problems towards to a reading comprehension given by the researchers than the students who seldom go to the library, which suggests that reading in the library may boost students' comprehension. Hence, more funding should be invested into the promotion of the library.
In addition, it is improving the food students eat that school can spend money on. It is on the grounds that students could be profoundly influenced by the intake of nutrition during the crucial stage of growth. What is more, increasing the number of healthy options available will make it more likely students will be able to find something nutritious they like to eat. Consequently, students can end up using their money to choose a less-than-healthy mix of foods each day which will lead to the healthy body. So, having a variety of food in the cafeteria is a pivotal criterion for schools to attract good students.
Judging from all the situations mentioned above, we may reach the conclusion that it is not wise for schools to allocate funding to support social activities for the sake of attracting good students. It is because hard-working students care the most about studying environment and living conditions than the activities when choosing a college. Thus, I do believe that these money may be spent into other aspects instead of social activities.
in this essay, you should go with whether agree of disagree. you are going with both, it is not good. if you are supporting this statement so you should discuss the points that what are the reasons that you are in favor of this, or if not so why are you not in favor of this.
"Frankly, the latter standpoint, I believe, is more convincing." I go with I disagree.
Your essay is good with the academic vocabulary. Here are my some feedback:
1/ "Society activities" that you mentioned in your essay, is not clear and particular. You pointed out by "different activities" but what are those activities? In my opinion, it will be more convinced if you can list some specific activities that are impractical for a school to spend on.
2/ In the paragraph 3, the 3rd sentence, "they interest in" = > should be "they are interested in"
3/ A lot of words that are repeated frequently in just 1 paragraph such as "attract good students" in paragraph 1 or "social activities", "Activities" in the 2nd paragraph.
4/ You are good in grammar I guess. But I think you are over ultimate the usage of it. Your 1 sentence is too long that causes reader confused about what you demonstrate.
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Vate, the essay is not asking whether you believe one point of view is convincing or not. The essay is asking whether you agree or disagree with the given statement. That is, that universities need to spend a lot of money in given activities. This is a direct question statement that you changed the topic for discussion of and in the process, failed to properly respond to the essay. Let me outline the mistakes you made here:
Original topic: many universities spend a lot of money in society activities.
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? (Answerable by yes/no or I agree/ I disagree)
Your topic: many communities have been heartedly debating on the school's money allocation to attract good students
Reasoning: Some people believe that it is reasonable to spend a lot of money in social activities. While other hold the opposite opinion that this money can be allocated into more meaningful ways to attract good students.
Task Response: Frankly, the latter standpoint, I believe, is more convincing.
You created a 2 point of view discussion essay when this is a single point of view discussion using a direct response format. Therefore, your task accuracy is going to be less than stellar and you will only be scored on the parts of your essay that respond to the task. Since your TA score will be low, it will be difficult for you to improve your score in the final overall consideration due to other problems in relation to the remaining scoring considerations. Never change the discussion requirements of the essay. When you do that, you be creating a prompt deviation that could very well prevent you from gaining a passing score in the test.