This essay will outline the justification of long hours work and why this is a negative trend

In some countries people spend long hours at work

Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative phenomenon?

Working is part of everyone's life nowadays. It is undeniable that citizens from many nations around the world have been working hard and spend many hours on that. The main reason for this situation is the burden of finance. This essay will outline the justification and explain why this is a negative reform.

First of all, finance is the only reason that makes people pursuit of working. The fast development, especially in technology and economics, has resulted in expensive price. In other words, people in this day have to work harder in order to earn more money to pay for many demands of normal lives. For instance, the cost of housing, technology devices, or facilities has become higher than in the past a lot. It is clear why many people have to work harder or spend long hours at work.

This development does not seem to bring a beneficial effect on our lives. Japan is a prime example. News about self suicide due to stress working is popular and easy to be seen in Japan - where employers have to spend almost 18 hours a day for working. The rate of self-killing has never been rising as high as they did. One of the main reason for this unexpected situation is working is so stress and gradually lead people to become a depressive person. If the government does not solve this problem timely, there may be more severe consequences.

To conclude, people who spend a long time at work may occur by the pursuit of living due to the high cost. In my opinion, this statement is a negative reform that may caused a serious effect on our long term life.

In the rephrased presentation, you should try to avoid making claims that are not included in the original prompt. For example, you cannot claim that working is a part of everyone's life these days. Everyone is too all encompassing from the children, the adults, and the elderly. The presentation is then making an exaggerated task claim that would make the representation of the statement partly incorrect. You need to make sure that the claims you make will be supported by the original statement. You could have instead said that working is something that all adults have to do. You should not be calling this a reform either. Reform means to alter something. In this case, there is no alteration. Rather is is a negative development, as it is a practice that has developed over time.

Do not say "First of all" if there is no second or third reference in the succeeding presentations. Simply state the topic sentence and move on with the justified discussion presentation. In the second paragraph, you are making a claim about the government. You are offering an opinion about an action the government should take. That is a prompt deviation. You were not being asked what the government should do in the original question set so you should not be presenting a solution or comment where none is required.

You should not be presenting an opinion in the concluding paragraph. If you wanted to present a first person opinion, you should have integrated it into your previous reasoning paragraphs. The concluding paragraph is only always used as the summarized presentation of your discussion points. You cannot continue the discussion in that section as you end up with an open ended essay presentation.

By the way, a quick check of your errors shows that you have several errors in the grammar and Coherence sections of your presentation. Remember to edit your work before considering it final in form. The lack of editing on your part resulted in avoidable errors, if you had proof read your paper first.