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Owning an enterprise or becoming an employer: CAMBRIDGE BOOK 5.5 - 6.5 | UNIT 6 PAGE 64

faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
Nowadays, many people encourage to build their own enterprises rather than become employer of some industries or organizations. In my perspective, it will bring many advantages than drawbacks.

First of all, having self-company will make people's time more flexible, because they act as the chief executive officer, so they will create daily schedule by self. They can walk every time and everywhere as long as the company can operate well. If we compare with people that have a job, they have less flexibility. For instance, worker usually must go in the early morning and back to the home in the night even midnight.

Secondly, our personal quality will be boost significantly. Started from leadership aspect, it will be developed rapidly because we must manage all and start from zero. We must set vision, missions, goals, create some divisions like human resource, marketing, supply chain, production, and others. Moreover, some skills like decision making, taking risk, creative thinking can grow ultimately. In contrast, worker do not have time to maintain their own skill better, because they already busy for doing their daily tasks.

Third, today social enterprise become trend among the young people. They not only become entrepreneur, but also empower poor society around them to get a job. For example, in Surabaya, there was a place that became prostitution area in the past. Since the officials closed that in 2014, many local inhabitants had become unemployment because the visitors had gone. It is finally solved by many teenagers that build social-based company and change the place to become educative tourism place. So, it is proven that having own business will bring much benefits for society.

All in all, starting business maybe more difficult than become labor in industry. However, in order to make our nation have bright future, a lot of job opportunity must be created for reducing poverty. Furthermore, it will bring many positive effect both personal and social.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
Hi Faiz,

I am not sure at all people in this forum has the book that you've written on your title in this thread. Thus, I would advise you to write the clear prompt or the question of IELTS writing task 2 for the next post.

When reading the last sentence of the first paragraph, I assume that this is an "outweigh the disadvantages/advantages" essay. Then, I would like to say that this paragraph is unclear. You clearly stated that "it will bring many advantages than drawbacks", but what are those? at least just mention the keywords/key phrase in a single sentence about what advantages that you are talking about before writing the body paragraph. Remember, "a clear overall progression" is one of the criteria in coherence and cohesion part if you want to reach band 6 or above.

Task 2 in IELTS would be time-consuming if you cannot manage your time well. I reckon that writing more than 4 paragraphs in this essay would bring detrimental effect towards your time management. You need to remember that you still have task 1. My suggestion is that you can just write the disadvantages in the first body paragraph, and simply write the advantages in the second body paragraph.

Hope this helps Faiz :)

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