Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Paid work in children - My discussion essay written following writing task 2 IELTS


anhtu214 1 / 1  
Sep 4, 2012   #1
Question:

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as competely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:

In modern life, children working to earn money is not strange to many people. Some suppose that would make children mature grow up and appreciate money. The others argue that early working may affect the physical developing process of children and consider some jobs too dangerous to children. This controversial issue are going to be discussed below.

The first thing which has to be admitted that working helps people mature more by gaining experience during the work time. Children are more innocent than adult but learn faster. Through mistakes, children understand why things are going wrong and quickly know how not to make it happen again. In addition, paid work bring children money which may help them spend on something they desire for. More than that, what children earn for their work is not only money but also good attitude with that children can show more appreciation of value of labour. For example, thanks to their respect of money, children will save more instead of wasting on unnecessary things. This would be useful lifestyle for children when they grow up.

On the contrary, some people oppose against the idea of giving paid work to children by insisting that children need to develop completely enough before working. Children are considered as vulnerable people which should be protected carefully. Taking care of children will contributes great effort to the society development. Only can family and school help children grow up in healthy and happy lives. Working outside, children may be exploited too much and even treated poorly which may harm to their mental and physical health. Worse, some heavy works may cause injure to children, which is very dangerous and too much painful to children to stand. Children could gain much money and experience with working, but not much enough to compare with those accidents or even disabilites.

Recently, there have been many organizations in the world founded to help children have better lives. I would support for every action to protect children from working and disapprove exploiting critically children's labours in any form. Children definitely have right to be well educated and do what is suitable to their physical and mental abilities.

Please add some comment after reading, thank you very much :D

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 4, 2012   #2
Some suppose that would make children mature grow upmature and they would learn to appreciate money from early ages. The others argue that early working may affect the physical developing processdevelopment of children and consider some jobs are too dangerous tofor children.

This controversial issue are going to be discussed below.

This sentence has no grammar issues. However, I feel it does not add much value to your introduction since the reader already knows you are going to discuss on this topic in coming paras. In my view, it is better you state your opinion , whether you agree/disagree/ moderate stance, instead of making this type of statement so that the reader would be navigated to your desired direction.
OP anhtu214 1 / 1  
Sep 4, 2012   #3
Oh thank you very much for so soon replying.

I admitted that the sentence has so many mistakes. I might be so careless while writing that. Thanks for correcting that, again.

As for the 2nd one, from the beginning, I was going to write my opinion but I supposed to write it later. I'm not sure so much. Anyway, your idea is still very useful for me :D
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 4, 2012   #4
Hi Tu, You got a quick response because my eyes caught essay as I logged in ... :D


Home / Writing Feedback / Paid work in children - My discussion essay written following writing task 2 IELTS