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'They are not ready psychologically'. Writing Task II; Children are Encouraged to Have Paid Work


Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Oct 21, 2016   #1
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been commonly known that some countries encourage children to work. Some people find it is completely useful, while others believe that children have not had a responsibility to work. Even though they will gain priceless experiences through paid work, I believe that psychologically they have not been ready yet to face work world indeed and should obtain more knowledge from school.

It cannot be denied that having worth experiences become another additional point for children who have worked. Owing to the fact that the more extra-activities they join, the better person they will be, it makes them gain many kinds of skills such as sociability, problem-solving skill and/or being a good time manager. For instance, children who help their neighbor selling goods in a market and earning money definitely have many conversations with new people more than ordinary children have.

However, children should get their right to gain knowledge in institutional education as it is their golden age. Studying in early age involves long term memory which is absolutely good for children's future. Besides, live lessons also are gotten in school, they are not only studying a subject but working together, taking responsible, making friends, learning attitudes and having self-reliance are also obtained. A conducted research held by an NGO finds that people who spend their childhood by studying in school are more likely to be ready to face adult's life. It then, illustrates how important taking school in early age.

Moreover, I also claim that they are not mature enough to face the hardness of working atmosphere. Taking a job in that age must be difficult to engage with the stuffs as those young people are in charge to play. Then if they have to work in a car wash, for example, they must have less experience which results children got anger by the boss. Thus it can affect them to become introvert.

To recapitulate, even though encouraging young people to work in their golden age in order to have valuable experiences is a good idea, but as long as educational institution offers them to have other more worthwhile experiences there is no reason for them to have a job then.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Oct 21, 2016   #2
Husnul, your discussion is not very well developed. Your first paragraph takes on the form of a defense in support of having children work. However, your line of reasoning doesn't really offer the correct data in terms of the benefits that children may get from the activity. You say that the more work the children do, the better kind of person they will be. You should only choose one evidence to support this claim and properly discuss it. You have presented a number of claims in the paragraph that doesn't really offer a clear discussion and valid reasoning. For example, when you say:

... children who help their neighbor selling goods in a market and earning money definitely have many conversations with new people more than ordinary children have.

What is the point of this sentence? How does this prove that children who work have better skills than those who don't work? Doesn't working make the children more psychologically responsible given the fact that they interact with people older than themselves? This paragraph needs further development.

Your second paragraph dictates that children should go to school at an early age. That is not exactly the kind of discussion that you should be presenting. If you feel that children should be going to school instead of going to work then you should indicate that line of reasoning within the opening sentence of the next paragraph. This paragraph has deviated from the given prompt as of the moment.

The final two paragraphs of the essay work well though and deliver a clear train of thought. It is the only part of the essay that is properly developed and presented somewhat properly.
inav321 6 / 37  
Oct 22, 2016   #3
......believe that children have not had a responsibility to work.
work world
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 22, 2016   #4
Hi Husnul, I would like to share a few insights to enhance your essay but before I do, I would like to share that this particular issue is very relevant to this day and age, a lot of students are very keen on working first before moving on and continue with there education. As it is, there are a lot of factors to consider such as the fact that they need a lot financial help in continuing their studies, time and effort is also needed in order to make sure that they are going to finish with flying colors and land a good and rather rewarding job.

Having said that, I would like to start the review with a few corrections on the last two paragraphs pf your essay.

- face the hardnesshardship of the working atmosphere.
-Taking a job in thatat this age must be difficult
- to engage with the stuffsas those young people are in charge to play .- in this sentence, there's a lot going on and most of them are not needed at all.

- Then ifIf they have to work in a car wash, for example,
- they must have less experience which results
- children got anger by theto an angry boss.
- Thus it can affect them to becomeThis might develop an introvert personality .

There yo have it Husnul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, we are here for you.


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