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Some parents believe that the best treatment for children is bringing them to the childcare centre


ryan31 65 / 96 15  
Oct 22, 2016   #1
Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some parents believe that the best treatment for children before they go to school is bringing them to the childcare centre. Others say relatives give a bigger impact on children development. While the child centre has well-skill staff capable of supervising the children, I am more likely to believe that family having close relation is the best way to nurture children as they are more trustful.

Employees of childcare centre have a good skill for surveillance the children. This is because childcare centre has been a lot of experience for nurture children. Besides, workers who had trained got much ability especially helps parents to take care their children. For example, there is a program child daycare in Jakarta, this place designed aims to attractive children for playing in that place and get some knowledge from teacher in there. It is true that some parents believed this place is a suitable spot for children.

On the other hand, relative's bond is better than childcare centre for accompany daily activity their children. The reason for this is that family are low respect to childcare, then decide to nurture by themselves. For example, based on data from the internet showed that 70% children are easy to be contaminated since pervasive disease from other children. It is noticeable that some parents want their children keep fit when childcare so that do not respect again.

In brief, even though childcare has a good track record to take care children with expert ability from their employee, this essay tend to be convinced to guide their children by themselves because the family has a close relationship. It is recommended that governments make a regulation about childcare center and supervise every detail in a month so that childcare will get parent's trustful.

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Oct 22, 2016   #2
Hi Ryan, I have some suggestion for you

This is because childcare centre has been a lot of experience for nurtureing children.

... designed aims to attractive children for playing (...) from teacher in there .

... than childcare centre fortoaccompanysupervisedaily activity their children's daily activity .

... is that family arehas low respect to childcare,...

Best regards
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 22, 2016   #3
Hi Riandi, question, once you're done with your essay, do you also take time to read it?, see, I ask because, in this particular essay, I find the sentences hard to understand, it's quiet confusing, most of the sentences has a lot of things going on in them and this is not good when it comes to answering the prompt.

To show and elaborate this observation, please find the suggestions below;

- In briefOverll , even though childcare
- has ais good track record to takein taking care of children, the carer should have thewith expert ability from their employeeto be effective in taking care of children , this essay tend to be convinced tois a guide theirfor children by themselves becauseand the family hasto have a close relationship.

... and supervise every detail in a monthon a regular basis so that childcare will getas to build and earn parent's trustful .

There you have it Riandi, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and practice writing more as well as proofread your essay in order for you to see and understand what you wrote, it's always a good thing to be your own personal critique.


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