TOEFL ; Parents should encourage children to do part-time jobs

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

It's generally agreed that the charactirestic of independent and thrifty which to children are the prerequisite for a successful adult life.To help their offsprings live a good adult life ,most parents think part-time job is a best way, while others refutes it. To agree or disagree the statement that parents raise their childen in allowing them to get a part-time job is one of the best ways to prepare them an adult life is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, if one considers it carefully, he or she may agree the title statement as I do.

To begin with, getting a part-time job can foster out sense of independence and enhance our monetary value. Children are too young to undertand the hardness of earning money, especially for children who comes from a afflluent family. They live in an innovative life without money consideration , consequently , they seldom feel money is hard to earn.What's more, they can buy everything they want through a credit card getting form their parents, so, they are much more dependent on their parents.Nevertheless, compared to rich children, children who comes from poor family often consider making a living at their early age.They would choose to take a full-time or part-time to deduct their parents burden.Furthurmore, the recent reasearch shows that children from poor family are more independent and planful than children from rich family.

In addition, getting a part-time job can improve the communicating ability of children. Taking a part-time job means that children spent the majority of their workday communicating with society. They may get along with various people from diffrent hobbies, even from different country, having different culture and religion. During the process of communicating with these people, children not only can enhance their social ability, but also have a mature outlook of society, which is good for their future adult life.

However, some parents may maintain that take a part-time job can odistract their children from academic study and spend lots of their energy. Despite these facts, as far as I concerned, part-time job bring a swarm of merits outweigh drawbacks ,accordingly, children should be encouraged to get a part-timr job to lay a good foundation of their adult life.

Sounds too complicated aliceNN. Just come up with a sentence that conveys your idea in simple manner. That's more interesting;
It is important that children should learn to be independent and thrifty in order to have a successful adult life.


.... use the most appropriate word in your sentences. Synonyms do not help always.


others is a plural word. So, "others refute it".
"he refutes it"


... avoid these vague sentences. Finish your introduction with a clear statement that states your opinion. Your opinion can be agree, disagree or moderate (i.e. partially agree and disagree).

Okkkkkkkk... first , you should have a meaningful topic for your essay to get others attracted to it. So, provide such topic in the subject space when you open a new thread. Now, let's look at your essay;

Pahan has given his suggestion for your introduction and I hope you pay attention to them. They are very valid points.


.... monetary means relating to money or currency, but it is a more technical term that is used to talk about a bit more serious things.



.... this sentence is pretty confusing. Try to construct short and simple sentences, one sentence for one idea.