Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


[TOEFL] Parents' involvement with their children's studies - Past Vs Present



phuongnam95 9 / 27  
Nov 11, 2013   #1
The society has been developing rapidly up to now. The result of this developing world is the ways parents taking care of their children, especially children's education. Personally, I agree that parents nowadays are concerned more about children's education than in the past, because the parents know what are good for their children and they want a better life in the future for their children.

First of all, parents nowadays are well-educated so they know what are suitable for their children. They have enough experience to decide which subjects, which schools, which teachers their children should study with. Parents in the past, they did not know a lot about the education, they just knew how to earn money to support their poor living condition. For example, my sister is now studying in the primary school and my mom and dad relate a lot to her studying at school. They have graduated from university and have completed all stages of Vietnamese education so they know what are good for my sister. They choose best school for her to study, they take her to school and choose extra classes for her to study. They know about the mark, the result of my sister at school. In contrast, my mother told me that when she was young, she was so lucky to go to school. My grandmother could not go to school in the past so she did not know anything about education. The only thing she could do is encouraging my mother to study hard. These two contrasting situation show us that parents who were studying a lot before are more involved in their children's education.

In addition, because of better living condition nowadays, parents do not worry about the contemporary life, so they want their children to have better life in the future. Parents nowadays do not need to work as hard as parents in the past, they do not worry about how to deal with the food. In order to have better life in the future, the children are forced to study under parents' control. For instance, my parents really want me to finish all the stages in Vietnamese education and can join in a prestigious university. On the other hand, my grandparents only want my mother to finish the secondary school because they did not have enough money to bring her to school. In short, because parents nowadays want their children to have better life in the future, they care more about children's education than in the past.

To sum up, I agree that parents nowadays are more involved in their children's education because they know what are best for their children and they want their children have good living condition in the future. Children nowadays are studying under the control of their parents.

legend777 5 / 14  
Nov 12, 2013   #2
nice job :)
just I think that it would be better to put "In short,..." in your conclusion.
OP phuongnam95 9 / 27  
Nov 13, 2013   #3
thank you very much. Are there any mistakes in grammar
dumi 1 / 6795  
Nov 13, 2013   #4
It is always recommended to conclude your introduction with a clear statement that expresses your opinion about the argument. I guess I suggested you a more appropriate structure for the introduction in one of your previous essays. That structure is more organized and also that can help you earn a better score. Here you have not followed that structure and hope you would give it a look and follow it in your future essays. Also, it is good if you include the full prompt in your essay so that we know exactly what it requires from you.


Home / Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Parents' involvement with their children's studies - Past Vs Present
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳