Some parents order their children to work hard for their physical and mental improvement

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work

In this periods,all people want to achieve their position so as to earn much money.However,some parents order their children to work hard places and it could be cause their physical and mental improvement.This essay will discuss both points of view befor coming to reasoned conclusion.

First of all,in the world the most important basis is family.Nevertheless,it should stand at first stage.Rspecially,children conditions.That's more,numerous families tend ti order children to work somewhere because,parents want to increase and improve family income.Honestly,it is good idea but children's have to study and relax after studying hard.Such as,students gi to school in the morning and they come at noon and occasionally some individuals get part-time work it may cause their health priblems as a consequence.Namely,they need to study and it could help free time concentrate on studying lessons.

With in regards,nowadays,most of students cannot afford to study and they also do not concentrate on studying due to absense their parents.Besides that,nobody,provide them to studying.Some people think that government have to pay high salary and it would be good they will give part-time work and children probably can manage their life and they reach a good future or they may be intelligent human as a result.

To sum up,in my view,if parents not order to work children it would be better and parents have to avoid working early ago because teenager ought to study and their brain memories stronger in young period.

Please check my essay and appoint ielts band score

hai timur
I have several suggestions for you
hope it helps to improve your skill

... want to achieve their position so as to earn much money.

... their children to work hard places and it could be cause their physical ...

... both points of view beforE coming to A reasoned conclusion.

Nevertheless,it should stand at THE first stage.

RE specially,...

That'sTHAT IS more,numerous families tend tiTO ..

Honestly,it is A good .... their health priblemsPROBLEMS as a consequence.
NamelyCONSEQUENTLY ,...

With in regards, nowadays,... due to absenseabsence their parents.

in THE young period.

THANKS

Hi Timur, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website to be helpful and even more so, valuable to your writing projects, we aim at giving you the most accurate and credible feedback that we could possibly provide, in order for you to have that confidence in submitting your essay.

Having said that, below are a few suggestions for your essay.

- In this periods,allday and age, a lot of people
- want to achieve theirhigher position
- so as to earn muchmore money.
- However,some parents order their children to work hard places
- and it could behowever this could cause their
- of view before coming to reasoneda reasonable conclusion.

- First of all,in thethis world, the most important basisbase is family.
- Nevertheless,it should stand at first stage. Rspecially,children conditions.- I believe this sentences are not necessary
- That'sWhat's more,numerous families
- tend tito order children to
- Honestly,it is a good idea
- Namely,theyThey need to study and it could help free time to concentrate on studying their lessons.

There you have it Timur, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision, I believe what you need to focus on in your revision is not to put too many words in a sentence, specially if it will not help your essay.