Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Parents have responsibility to teach children respectable attitude to live in society



ekalamarsyari11 72 / 101  
Aug 27, 2016   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.

Many people assume that parents have responsibility to teach children respectable attitude to live in society, whereas other individuals presume that school is competent to do this duty. In my view both parents and schools should educate children to become good members of community. However, I believe parents have more essential role to accomplish this goal due to a main reason that parents have to teach children in early years.

Parents are the first school to children. They have been supposed to put some essential value such ability to co-operate with others, and responsibility in their kids as their preceding years. It is important because it can be difficult to teach those values when children get older. For example, those can involve their children to do housework by giving a personal task to each child. Hence, Children should have good behave to work in a group and reliable personality when they live in a society.

On the other hand, schools also have to educate children about other social value that are not given by parents. School can develop children's attitude in larger community. For example children can learn about how to give their opinion in front of class and how to appreciate other arguments. It will teach them how to act respectably when they exist in real social life.

In conclusion, both parents and school have to shape good personality of children so that kids can behave as good members of community. As the first educators for children, parents are supposed to concern about their behavior because it can affect children's attitude in social life.

Jettypile - / 9  
Aug 27, 2016   #2
"parents have the responsibility
"teachtheirchildren"
I will be honest here i did not understand what you were trying to say with "respectable attitude to live in society" so im not going to change it.

" that school is competent to do this duty" saying this sounds like you are bashing on schools.I would rephrase it to "that schools are able to provide this service to children."

"In my view" --> In my opinion,
"become good members of community" good sounds too meh of a word to use i would recommend replacing it ex: useful
I understand that you are siding with parents should play a larger role.
"However, I believe parents have more essential role to accomplish this goal due to a main reason that parents have to teach children in early years." Needs some tweaking --> "As parents have taught their children since their early years , I believe that parents should play a larger role in helping their children to develop friendly attitudes and, as a result ,become [insert synonym of good as i hate saying good] members of society.

"They have been supposed to put some essential value such ability to co-operate with others, and responsibility in their kids as their preceding years" Nice idea meh wording --> "They are supposed to nurture their children to develop friendly personalities and habits such as the ability to tolerate and work together with their peers." I removed the second half as i did not understand its purpose.

I will write a second response on the 2nd half later


Home / Writing Feedback / Parents have responsibility to teach children respectable attitude to live in society
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳