Should parents be responsible for teaching their children what polite and good behaviors are?

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

TASK
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer
Some people believe that parents should be responsible for teaching their children what polite and good behaviors are. However, on the other side, people think that teachers would teach student about behaviors. In my opinions, learning both in family and in the school is important and we can not ignore one of them.

First, most human begins their life and communicates with people from family. Then, Parents are always the first human children see. Naturally, children learn action, behavior, and attitude from parents before taking education. Therefore, parents should be a good model of the society, because children would imitate their parents. Secondly, the primitive education affects children's mind most massively and even in their lifetime. For example, if parents treated their children badly and punished them with violence, children might use the same way to treat with other people.

However, school use the different methods to teach children how to be a good member in the society. Teachers not only teach children knowledge but also lead them to stay on the right road. By making friends, children would face with different kind of children and more complicated situations that they have ever met before. Therefore, when they feel frustrated and confusing, teacher can give them some suggestion to help them figure out and learn by mistake.

In conclusion, parents can teach the basic and potential behaviors and attitude, and teacher help children solve the problem about relationship and wider behaviors. Children might go wrong if one of the characters do not serve as a ideal role. Therefore, I think that both parents and teachers are necessary.

Please give me some suggestion to help me improve mu writing part.Thank you very much!

... how to be good members (not members) in the society. Teachers do not only help students acquire knowledge, but also provide them with guidance.

You may effect the changes above in your third paragraph. Moreover, try to make clearer the last two sentences of the third paragraph.

Chi, there are two major mistakes in your essay that you need to be aware of. The first, is that you are not taking the TOEFL test but an IELTS test so giving your specific opinion at the end of the opening paragraph is not recommended / allowed. The second, is that you need to discuss both points of view separately and then offer a paragraph about your personal opinion. You did not do that in this essay.

The opening paragraph is meant to showcase your English comprehension skills and ability to explain discussion points in your own original way. That is why the IELTS test does not allow you to present a personal opinion right off the bat. Each paragraph is limited to 5 fully developed sentences each. Which means, your personal opinion needs to be built up within the 3 paragraph discussion body instead of being a simple mention at the end of the opening paraphrase. That mistake will cost you tremendously in the TA scoring. The fact that you did not properly discuss your own point of view, after the discussion of both sides of the issue, will also drag down your TA score further so you may not be able to score highly enough in the remaining criteria to pull up your individual scores to a total passing score when combined.

The discussion format is:
1. Opening paraphrase
2. POV 1
3. POV 2
4 . Personal POV
5. Summarized conclusion

Remember that format when discussing the 2 opinion, one personal point of view essay. That format never changes for that discussion.