Essay writing; Parents should send children to school or not to be good members of society .

Hi, every body,

It's first time that I am using this site and I would like to receive your correction and also your suggestions to improve my essay writing.

Thanks in advance.

Pedram
....
Subject:
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others however believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

(At least 250 words)

Some researchers believe that parents play important rule of children socialization and others rely on their causes, mentioned school as a place where has power to lead children to be efficient in society. Each group cites their own reasons in order to convince others.

The group which claim that we should send our children to school to socialize cite their own reasons for convince others. They think being in school helps children to conflict with each other which allows them to experience a real relationship. In addition, they learn to work in group and follow orders of a leader which they won't acquire at home with their own parents who love them too much.

In the other hand some believe that parents have efficient effect on upbringing of children to be good member of society. In their opinion, due to the deep relationship between parents and children and also much time that they are together, parents can understand their own children personality which causes to help children effective in order to improve their skills. Another possible explanation is parent's compassion, which cares and controls children all time.

To summarize, both groups who claim that send children to school and those mention children should stay at home have convincing reasons but in my opinion school will be a better place to make children socialize. Furthermore they will have time to stay with their own parents after school time.

Hello Pedram.
Before I do any revision, I would like to point out that if this is an essay that must not exceed 250 words, I highly suggest you make a 3 paragraph essay. A paragraph less than 100 words can't help but to be weak in words, examples, or details. Try writing a 3 paragraph essay with more details.

Hi, Pedram. Welcome to Essay Forum and pleasure to share with you.

Let me do some suggestions.
Back to the prompt


Beside it requires you to discuss the views, it wants you to give your opinion. Then it is important to add your opinion in your intro.

a possible intro
Upbringing children is main duty of parents. Obviously, parents should do the proper way in order to educate their children to become a good member of society. However, another view says that the process to form good society member is well establish through the school's environment. In my opinion, both of views can be appropriate for certain reasons.


There are many ways to break down the prompt into body paragraph. However, due to I like this way, I do suggest you to add a main idea then support it. To me, this answered body needs to be strengthen. As reader, I caught that you want to tell that in school children can build their interpersonal aspect in school. This then, is the good way to become a good member of society. This can be your main idea then the next work is to support it.


In such paragraph you have to make contra explanation in which why the best way to train a good member of society is through home environment instead of depicting the parents view of upbringing children.

A tip in constructing conclusion
The thesis statement and the main points of each paragraph should be stated. Also, you are to add the main recommendation of the issue.

Hopefully this helps you

Hi, Sekar

Thank you so much for your suggestions that were so useful for my writing.

Can we state a lie survey in order to support our idea by saying number and percentage ?
"In 2003, US recorded that about 7,7 million American children is taught practically about fair competition through school's sport team"

I didn't get your means about " main recommendation of the issue ". I would be most grateful if you would write conclusion for this topic too.

Thank you for your help.

Hy Pedram, I did not do lie about the data. I do not know even attaching a link is permitted in this forum, but I synthesize the data based on Hilary Levey Friedman's article titled "When Did Competitive Sports Take Over American Childhood ?", in regard if you want to read :D. Actually, I am not in line in writing tricky data though I recommend to write the factual data indeed.


Well, let me try to explain more
The topic says about school or parents is the best place for upbringing children to good society member. In your conclusion, I think, It is good for you to give recommendation which one is the best place in teaching how to be good member of society.


This is just an example for you to compare, do not too straight with my style. Every person has different way to write an essay. If you want to do more compare, please kindly read another essays from another writers too.

nice to share with you :)