Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.
Do you agree or disagree?
A computer has recently become an indispensable part of modern people's lives. As it more encroaches on our children's time, more parents start concerning about the possible negative effects of the device. I agree with those who argue that a computer has a number of negative impacts on our offsprings; however, I do not think that their number outweighs the number of positive effects.
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start concerning have become concerned
however, I do not think that their number outweighs the number of positive effects. Never say "I think" in an essay.You should list the positive effects you want to cover here. This is your thesis statement; make sure it is clear.
to connect towith each other despite long distances and embarrassment.Embarrassment has a negative connotation. Maybe you could look for a euphemism.
Your conclusion is too short. Try to tie all your points together.
Nice essay :)
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.
Do you agree or disagree?
Hello! my edits and suggestions are below,
A computer has recently become an indispensable part of modern people's lives. As it more encroaches on our children's time, more parents start concerning( are becoming concerned)about (with)the possible negative effects of the device. I agree with those who argue that a computer has a number of negative impacts on our offsprings; however, I do not think that their number( what number?) outweighs the number of positive effects.
Among the positive impacts of computers one may suggest that using the devices helps children socialize. The online connections to that computers provide to members and the online community may facilitates the communication between (among) youngsters. and This helps them(youngsters) to connect to each other despite long distances and embarrassment .( It may also help them overcome embarrassing moments such as...) . Moreover, a computer(is becoming)becomes a increasingly vital tool for study. A variety of channels for study( that has been) introduced by computers has never been greater: online books, educating(educational) films and web-sites are now within easy reach for any pupil. Besides, Computers may also yield some financial benefits since it is (now) more economic(al) to read books and watch films online for free than to buy them.
However, some factors clearly indicate that the amount of time spent in front of computers by children needs to be controlled.( The factors are...) The reasonable use of computers may lead to better social connectivity, but, in some cases, the over-use may cause young people to tune out of the life around them. It is noted by many today , that those children who spend a considerable amount of time playing computer games start resisting reality and real relationships.( These children) find an artificial world of games more convenient. Furthermore, the sedentary lifestyle related to the use of computers may contain a hazard to children's health. Sitting long hours at the devices may lead to a lack of physical activity and sunlight, which is dangerous for young people. In addition, eye problems may occur as a result of such an overindulgence.
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that I find the use of computers helpful to children if it is prudently restricted.( Please elaborate:)
Hello! I like your essay, you have some great points! I suggested a few edits to help your essay and the sentence structures. You have a great argument. You start with an opening, show me how you agree and how you disagree good set-up. Please elaborate a little more on your conclusion. Good luck on your revisions!