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Ielts: why and how parents teach their kids the importance of money?


ningo 22 / 53 9  
Aug 4, 2014   #1
Please give me your feedfacks. I really appreciate it! :-)

Ielts task 2: Some people say that it's important to teach children the importance of money. Why and how should they do it? Include some examples for your essay.

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Some people believe that the direction of parents to their children about the importance of money is really necessary. This essay will discuss the reasons and the ways parents teach their kids about the significance of money.

Firstly, directing children the importance of money can help them understand how to use best of money. For example, many couples often talk to their kids what challenges and difficulties they face to earn money. In this way, children will know thoroughly where their daily expenses from, appreciate efforts that their parents have made to bring them up and make use of money properly.

Secondly, under parental guidance, children will have awareness of saving money. Parents should be role models for their kids in saving money. Take me as an example, my parents always give me one piggy bank as same as theirs to ask me put one or two cents from my daily pocket into this small bank. When this piggy bank is full, the money can help me to cover some of my needs.

Finally, the fact is that children who were taught the importance of money are able to plan how to use it effectively. This results from the involvement planning making between parents and their kids. By this way, parents can teach their children what need to buy and avoid spending money on irrelevant items. In addition, parents should set certain principles and apply them for their children.

In conclusion, teaching children how to use money rightly and the significance of money in this progressing society can partly form children's moral and characteristic from their early age. Therefore, parents have responsibility on paying more attention on constructing their kids about money usage.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Aug 4, 2014   #2
directing children the importance of money can help them understand how to use best of money.

The red phrase interrupts the flow.

kids

kids is informal. Better use children.

Take me as an example

An obvious example of this can be taken from my past life,

avoid

I prefer using the word of 'prevent', which is more formal

daily pocket

daily allowance

responsibility on

responsibility for

attention on

attention to
OP ningo 22 / 53 9  
Aug 4, 2014   #3
Thanks Eddies! They are really helpful to me.
I don't want to repeat the word " children" for several time. Therefore, I used "Kids". Do you have other suggestions?

Be responsible for something - Have responsibility on some thing. Not "have responsibilty for s.th"
sundin928 12 / 18 10  
Aug 4, 2014   #4
This essay will discuss the reasons and the ways parents teach their kids about the significance of money.

It's better to point your view and write main reason.

In addition, parents should set certain principles and apply them for their children.

you should write the example to support this argument.
huyenluv 1 / 3 2  
Aug 5, 2014   #5
"For example, many couples often talk to their kids what challenges and difficulties they face to earn money."
did you ever experience such thing before? If you did, then I suggest you to add your own personal experience on how you start to developed the knowledge that "Money" is not simply paper, but it's something that many people gain by their blood and tear.

"Therefore, parents have responsibility on paying more attention on constructing their kids about money usage."
I think parents only have to teach their children to be a good person in life. "Money usage" is something that those children will naturally know how to manage themselves when they growth up because they will use their money according how much they make and have... etc...
OP ningo 22 / 53 9  
Aug 5, 2014   #6
Thanks a lot. I will check my essay again. Plus, I don't know whether I need to point out my view for this kind of question because the quetion didn't ask me to give my opinion
digitalidea 10 / 11 8  
Aug 6, 2014   #7
You need to answer the two main questions: reasons for teaching the importance of money, some methods of teaching.
Anh Nguyen 265 4 / 11 3  
Aug 6, 2014   #8
where their dailyeveryday expenses from

daily sounds so informal.

Take me as an example, my parents always give me one piggy bank as same as theirs to ask me put one or two cents from my daily pocket into this small bank. When this piggy bank is full, the money can help me to cover some of my needs.

Some teachers told me that we did not ought to employ personal experience as an example in IELTS essay.
In terms of synonyms of 'children', I think we can use infants. kids or toddlers interchangably.
OP ningo 22 / 53 9  
Aug 6, 2014   #9
Hi, thanks all. My essay structure is:
Para1: intro
Para 2: reason 1 + method 1
Para 2: reason 2 + method 2
Para 3: reason 3 + method 3
Para 4: conclusion
*** I don't know whether I should point out my thoughts to this kind of question!
huyenluv 1 / 3 2  
Aug 7, 2014   #10
Is this college essay? If it is, then you shouldn't set (4-paragraphs) structures for it because it will limit your writing flow.

According to my own experience, here is how you write persuasive essay
1) In your first paragraph, write one or two sentences to grab reader attention. Then, introduce on how you come up with this topic. After that, start with your thesis if you want that thesis at the beginning of your essay.

2) state your reason, use source to supports it. I didn't see any source that you have used. It seems like you only use your own experiences. [Source is extremely helpful if you want to write persuasive essay]

3) In order to have strong persuasive essay, you need to find and write some counter to your reason, then you need to counter those counter reason back to make those counter reason weaker.

4) The conclusion should probably restate your thesis [not word by word], how your thesis is right or wrong. and how your essay related to current society. Hope it helps :)

~Khanh


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