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TOEFL independent writing: People now can better protect the environment than they could in the past


thinkhowxh 1 / 1  
Oct 8, 2016   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People now can better protect the environment than they could in the past.

My composition
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With the rapid development of technology, humans have enhanced their living quality dramatically. Meanwhile, however, our activities also affect the surrounding environment, both intentionally and unintentionally. Recently, there is an issue concerning about whether we can protect the environment better than we could in the past. As far as I am concerned, people can do much better in protecting the environment nowadays than before.

First of all, today's widespreadness of environmental knowledge helps people foster an intenser sense of protecting the environment than ever before. When I was in elementary school, my science teachers repeatedly told us the limit availability of natural resources an the significance of the well-being of ecosystem to human beings. Such a deep-rooted sense influences our daily behaviors. We put the litter into trash cans, turn off the light when leaving rooms and close the tap after washing our hands, which were not done so well by people living in several decades ago.

Second, thanks to the advanced technology we have developed, we have more tool to protect the environment. For instance, the wild giant panda was once an endangered species in China. In order to protect pandas, a research base of giant panda breeding is established in the Sichuan Province of China where this endangered species is now well protected and bred by scientists and professionals with modern technology. The examples of protecting endangered animals like giant panda are too numerous to mention. Moreover, with the help of genetic technology, some scientists are trying to save the critically endangered species by cloning them.

Some people believe that modern technology does more harm than good to our environment, arguing that the wastewater and waste gases released from factories can pollute rivers and air. However, I believe that in the most regions of the world, the waste treatment technology makes it possible to reduce the pollution they may bring about. As a matter of fact, in most cases, the more developed is the technology, the better control of negative effects it may have. For instance, it is reported that the vehicles and factories in the early 20th century produced much more significant amounts of air pollution than they do today.

To summarise, people nowadays can protect the environment better than before since they have a better sense of controlling themselves and their technology. I believe that in the future, advanced theories and technology will even improve the environment to make it better than any time in history.

(Basic grammatical and spelling mistakes are corrected)
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Any suggestion on the structure of passages and sentences, corrections of misusage of particular words will be appreciated!

g1nplus 1 / 2 1  
Oct 9, 2016   #2
It's a good concise essay but there are some things that just sound awkward.

"intenser sense of protecting the environment" sounds off, try "a greater incentive to protect the environment?"
First sentence in the second paragraph, "tool" change to plural
There are other things like this, but I'm sure you can comb through and straighten them out no problem :)

Other than small things like that, i would suggest adding statistics or citations to research information to the essay. That way, it establishes credible sources to back up your argument.
OP thinkhowxh 1 / 1  
Oct 12, 2016   #3
Thank you so much! The unidiomatic sentences like "intenser sense of protecting the environment" are my headaches, I can't correct them without native speakers of English's help


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