Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

People have more attention for a look and not what kind a person someone is. Cameron Russell summary


Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 10, 2016   #1
TED Summary Cameron Russell

Image is powerful and superficial. Image can transform mindset of someone in a second and sometimes bring huge impact in our lives. Cameron Russell, as a TED speaker and a professional model for more than a decade, was started her history became a model. He was awarded by tall, slender figures, femininity and white skin. She also illustrates several difference photos between her real life and her image which is constructed by several people such as some experts, hairstylists, makeup artists, photographers and stylists. All of essential elements combining their ability and build Cameron image they want. In the other hand, not only free stuff, but also she got simplicity in daily life. For illustrate, someday she went to a store and she forgot brought money. Fortunately, the store gave her the clothes for free. She regret since she got that things because how she looks, not who she is. It is like people more attention for how they look and no who like they are.
mem77 62 / 98 6  
Nov 10, 2016   #2
Dear Dioba, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!

Image can transform the mindset of someone in a second perception and sometimes it bringsa huge impact in our lives.

She also illustratesillustrated several difference (...) which iswas constructed by several ...

All of essential elements combiningcombined their ability and buildbuilt Cameron image that they wanted.

It iswas like people (...) how they looked and notwho like they arewere.

Regards
Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Nov 10, 2016   #3
Hello brother
let me give you some inputs

Image the image is ...
... the Image can transform mindsetthe mindset of someone in ...
..., femininity(,) and white skin.
... her image which is are constructed by several (...), photographers(,) and stylists. All of (the) essential elements ...
She regret(s) since she got that(those) things because ...

Let me give you some comments. you need to improve your understanding regarding the subject+verb agreement. It will be the beneficial aspect for you since you made most of the mistakes on singular/plural and add "s/es" when it is simple present with the subject (He / she /it). and please vary your vocabulary in order to avoid repeated word

good luck
festivo 2 / 4  
Nov 10, 2016   #4
Though i have not read book or whatsoever, there are several grammar mistakes in your writings like for for illustrate=to illustrate , she regret regrets
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Nov 10, 2016   #5
Image is SO powerful and superficial. Image IT can transform mindset ...
Cameron Russell, as a TED speaker and (...) a decade, was started [PAY MORE ATTENTION ON ACTIVE-PASSIVE FORM AND ITS APPROPRIATE USING WITH REGARD TO ITS MEANING] her history AS SHE became a model. He was awarded by A tall, slender figures , femininiE and white GIRL. She also illustrates (...) image which is constructed CREATED by several people ...POOR COHERENCE WITH THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE

... and she forgot brought BRINGING money.
She regret IT since she got that THOSE things because (...) more attention for[/s MORE ATTRACTED ON how they look ...

OVERALL, THERE IS NO MANY PROBLEMS ON THE STRUCTURE OF YOUR SENTENCES, BUT YOU NEED CONCERN ABOUT THE FLOW OF YOUR WRITING. USING COHESIVE DEVICES DOES NOT ENSURE YOU GET THE GOOD FLOW. STILL, EACH IDEAS SHOULD BE LINKED EACH OTHER.
alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 10, 2016   #6
Hello dioba, I will give you my correction for your writing.

The i mage is powerful and superficial. ImageIt can transform (...) and sometimes brin g huge impact in our lives. >> The image is powerful and superficial.

Cameron Russell, as a TED's speaker and a professional model ...

She also illustratesillustrated several differencedifferent photos between her ...

... she went to a store and she forgot to brought ...
NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Nov 10, 2016   #7
Hi @Dioba, below are my thoughts on your summary.

Image is powerful and superficial. Image can transform mindset of ...

Images as the best form of entertainment these days open up the world. The reason is perfectly plain that image can alter people' state of mind regarding our lives.

Well, actually in your summary you mentioned Cameron Russel in 2 gender, sometimes you writes she and he. I think you should painstakingly consider about the subject :)
eve01 24 / 40 5  
Nov 10, 2016   #8
hi dioba here is my correction for your summary

Imagethe cutting-edge technology can transform a human mindset of someone in a second time and sometimes it bringS huge impact in our lifeves .

Cameron Russell, ...... He was awarded by tall, slender figures, femininity and white skin. She also illustratesDthe several difference of photos between her real life (make sure that you know the speaker is man or woman and write by she only or he only)

hope it helps dioba (^.^)


Home / Writing Feedback / People have more attention for a look and not what kind a person someone is. Cameron Russell summary