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Some people attest that team sports have more positive impacts on public health than individual

gbach 3 / 8  
Oct 7, 2021   #1

Essay about the benefits of team sports and individual sports - (IELTS WRITING TASK 2)

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

Some people attest that team sports have more positive impacts on public health, while others claim there are far more benefits in playing individual sports. Although team sports are bound to keep fit, I also agree that single sports also improve athleticism.

On the one hand, dual sports indeed develop teamwork, which plays an indispensable part in the working environment. When cooperating with other teammates, people are more likely to deal with conflict circumstances so it teaches them problem-solving skills and reasoning skills. On top of that, a strong bond between partners is required to win the game, therefore, it is crucial to comprehend your teammates, which might be the major criterion in doing group work. Secondly, these sports involve competitiveness in which each player has to put in a lot of hard work to assure a position in the team. This may push them to their limits and motivate everyone to try their best. For instance, football players tend to be more persistent and spirited since they are often trained in a competitive environment.

On the other hand, there are also several pros when playing single sports. Since there is no external aid besides your efforts, these sports foster your individualism. According to a report in New York, athletes engaged in tennis and swimming are more self-contained since they spend hours on end training alone and focusing on themselves, hence, knowing their weaknesses and strength to improve. Moreover, these sports-type requires every body part to function, resulting in well-rounded players in this field such as Federer or Djokovic. This explains why badminton and tennis professionals are specialists in handling and running because these two sports not only forces players to master serving skill but also emphasizes the need in speed.

In conclusion, it is believed that team sports are ranked first in keeping fit, while single sports supporters opine the opposite. I argue that these two categories are equally important for their paramount benefits to our health condition and daily life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,749 3795  
Oct 8, 2021   #2
dual sports indeed develop teamwork

Is this a personal opinion or a public perception? Where in the seperation of the discussion based on individual references? Avoid a general statement as this tends to remove the POV reference as needed in the presentation.

competitive environment

Where is your personal opinion? Are you aiming for the 4 or 5 paragraph response version? The essay is lacking in clarity at this point.

According to a report in New York

No researched information. Use only personal or public known data. Frame the sentences properly to avoid this score reducing error.

I argue that t

Should be the 3rd stand alone paragraph. The personal opinion must be fully developed. It must follow the writing manner of the first 2. The examiner will reject this opinion asa part of the concluding summary. This is a score reduction basis.
OP gbach 3 / 8  
Oct 10, 2021   #3
Thank you so much for marking my essay but I have several questions:
1. I think we only need to claim our opinion on the opening?
2. If I have to add my opinion, how can I start it in the body?
3. Why is the phrase "According to a report in New York" not a public known data?
4. Can I claim my opinion in the conclusion?
chantran 4 / 9  
Oct 11, 2021   #4
1. Yes, one time-giving opinion should be enough and it is ideally written in the opening.
4. Yes, definitely.
I cannot answer all of your questions, but I think the problems lie in your ideas and the way you organized your essay.

"... I also agree that single sports also improve athleticism". It is obvious that all kinds of sports are bound to keep fit, but the discussion here is not about which sports are more athletic than the others. It is the comparison between the benefits of playing sports in TEAMS and INDIVIDUALS.

In this particular essay, you should talk about both views (benefits of teamwork sports over individual sports and vice versa) and give your opinion based on the discussion (why you think these benefits are equally important).

You could say that these sports are both important because the ultimate purpose of sports is to keep fit. However, in your body paragraphs, you must defense for your opinion and still discuss the superior benefits of each sport.

From what I saw, your body paragraphs do not support your opinions as you do not mention anything about health-related benefits. Therefore, there is no evidence for this argument: "I argue that these two categories are equally important for their paramount benefits to our health condition and daily life."
OP gbach 3 / 8  
Oct 12, 2021   #5
Thanks bro!
So in the opening and conclusion, I have to say sth like " While team sports aid players in group work and assiduousness, solo sports can improve your versatility and independence", right?

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