Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


TOEFL "Why are some people attracted to dangerous sports?" - to fight boredom



Irrational 6 / 12  
Nov 3, 2010   #1
Hey guys,

this is one of my last attempts on the TOEFL format before pwning it this Saturday (hopefully!). As always I appreciate your nice advice.

Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the last years extreme sports have become more and more popular. This gives rise to the question, why several people are more prone to engage in dangerous activities and dangerous sports than others. In my opinion, there are three main properties of dangerous activities, that make them so attractive for some people. I would like to explain those in the following passage.

Firstly, a continuous increase of the amount of risk in the choice of sports is necessary to fight boredom. Scientific research found out that the human brain is through evolution designed to get used to activities quickly. A brain that is in a state of action for longer periods of time would suck up too much energy and therefore work inefficiently. For example, when I take a roller coaster ride several times, it will feel less exciting with everytime I ride that roller coaster. At some point of time the roller coaster will bore me, although it was very exciting in the beginning. Thus, an increase in the degree of risk is necessary to encounter boredom of activities. Moreover, it has been found out that the speed of getting used varies among people, which explains the various propensities to risky activities.

Secondly, people love to do sports as a balance to their work life. Some people have a very demanding job. However, in our today's society these demanding jobs are mostly office jobs such as consulting or investment banking. To obtain a balance between hard and long working hours in the office, one has to find an adequate counterpart. Thus, people who have more leisure time due to a "normally" demanding job, will not feel the need to do risky sports or activities. On the other hand, a stressed out investment banker really needs something extremely exciting to encounter his work life. This is one reason why, some people will rather do bungee jumping or climb big mountains than others.

Finally, some people are affected by big fears. For them extreme sports might serve as a therapy to overcome their fears. For example, people who are afraid of heights might engage in skydiving. This intensification of the fear combined with the direct confrontation is known to be an effective way to get rid of some fears. Another example is a person that has to walk the stairs instead of taking an elevator, because he is scared of being in narrow spaces. To overcome this obstacle he could engage in some cave exploration tour.

To conclude, some individuals use the experience of dangerous sports to fight boredom, acquire life balance and overcome fears. Since the notions of boredom, life balance and fears differ among people, so do their propensities to engage in risky activities.

OP Irrational 6 / 12  
Nov 17, 2010   #2
I'd also like to thank the whole forum and especially the administrators for the support. I've achieved a 28/30 Score in the writing section due to the great feedback I got here. Thanks a lot!
Paullee 3 / 7  
Nov 19, 2010   #3
It is well written, indeed.
I see you used three arguments here.
What I recommend is that you only use two but in more detail, maybe with real life examples.
My friends do make up fake examples by creating imaginary friends...
Apparently, that works. They do get high scores (above 26)


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL "Why are some people attracted to dangerous sports?" - to fight boredom
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳