Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to achievement in gaining wealth

DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND STATE YOUR OPINION

Topic: Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others argue that happiness depends on other factors.
Discuss both views and state your opinion.

The definition of happiness is different depending on individuals. While there are some arguments that it is obviously related to achievement in the economy, I personally believe that happiness significantly relies on many other aspects of our lives.

It is undeniable that money plays an important role in our lives as we need it for all our basic materialistic needs. People have to spend a particular amount of money on food and clothes shopping as well as on house rent, water, gas, and electricity bills every month. There are also many luxurious entertainment activities that involve money, like parties, travelling, eating out, and shopping for branded clothes, which are indispensable for a joyful life. With financial freedom, we can enjoy the freedom of freely doing and buying the things we want. The lack of money may, in some cases, cause desolation since people often have to carefully estimate how much money they are allowed to spend on what.

Nevertheless, I still believe that happiness more likely comes from other people's insights, such as love, family, passion, and hobbies. In other words, if we pay more attention to things around us, we can easily catch up with happiness in many corners of our life. For example, for people in loving relationships, happiness can be as simple as staying or hanging out with their partners, or even simply seeing their cheerful smile. Besides, getting up every day with good health is also a prospect of happiness, and it leads to a productive life as we have a good state of physical and mental well-being to work and enjoy life.

In conclusion, although economic success clearly contributes to the satisfaction of life, I do believe that true happiness, which cannot be bought by money, comes from meaningful values in our living experience.

I really hope to receive the feedback for this essay! Thank you.

This is a sentence that strays from the original presentation. Nowhere in the prompt is the writer asked to define what happiness is. That belongs to a different essay topic. By using this reference, and not rephrasing the original 2 point of view presentation, the writer has created a prompt deviation that will cause a scoring down of the preliminary TA score. So, regardless of the appropriate personal opinion, the TA score will not be a well scoring one.

Use of a general and personal statement in the discussion paragraph does not meet the public V. personal opinion requirement. Scores cannot be provided properly for the GRA section due to the lack of pronoun usage (3rd person group and first person). The writing ability presented here is severely limited. The appropriate written debate format should have been used.