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Discuss means to describe the pros and cons of each view right?
Nowadays, there are talented people in the world.
True, but just saying talented is enough? innumerable* talented people...
In my opinion , I believe that some people are born with talents.
okay, so your view is that of the prompt? Maybe a little creativity in your essay?
For example, some children are not taught any skills such as for sport or music but they naturally do act such as playing musical instruments or controlling their skills when they are young. Any one did not teach them but they do some admirable action. This means that some children are born with some talents.
this conclusion is somewhat weak because you don't incorporate much evidence before. you mention the example, but that seems very hypothetical, and abstracted. Do you have an personal experiences that you can include?
Any one did not teach them but they do some admirable action.
No one taught them but they perform admirably.*
However, there are a lot of people without any talents so when they grow up, they try to learn some skills like early speaking or playing musical instruments.
I think you got your wording confused. You mention earlier that you believe that some people are born with talents. you didn't mention that many are not*. this somewhat diminishes the validity of your opinion, so to speak
Another thing, using the for instance examples again and again don't show creativity or real understanding of the prompt/topic.
Nevertheless, many people try continously but they do not forgive up learning for special skills. As people develop their own ability, they can feel achievements. Afterall, When they are adults, they persieve strange feelings.
what did you mean here? that people who don't have innate skills have to learn them? that once they learn, only then can they achieve (success)? what are those feelings they perceive*?
In my opnion, I believe that some people are born with talents.
to strengthen this part of the essay, try including the fact that you still understand that many are not born with talents.
Comments: Work on thinking more about the prompt before you write about it. That way you can have more to write about. Work on some spelling and grammar as well. Strengthening your argument will come naturally the more you write. Your transitions are good.