People working on their own
Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.
Why might be the case?
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
In recent years, the work labor market has witnessed the incremental rise in the number of people who opt for working on their own instead of financially depending on other organizations. In this essay, I will give my personal explanation for this phenomenon as well as identify some of the drawbacks that self-employed people might face.
To begin with, it has been pointed out that the surge in the number of self-employed people is the legacy of the great economic recession started in 2008. Due to the extreme hardships in the global economies in that time, many large companies either went bankrupt or had to drastically cut down on their workforces, leaving colossal numbers of employees redundant. As a result, in concerted attempt s to lift themselves out of this desperate situation, many people decided on starting their own business.
In addition to that, this tendency is prolonged and become influential even after the economy has recovered because of the privileges it brings to self-employed people. These benefits are claimed to include higher monetary earning as well as the freedom to execute new ideas.
Given that startup companies are proven to be efficient in times of economic crisis, they also have the potential to generate certain problems to business owners. Firstly, because the self-employed have to establish their companies from scratch, their chances of success is believed to be lower in comparison with their counterparts who choose to work for already prestigious corporations. Secondly, while the small scale might be one of those businesses' merits in difficult times of the economy, it also the factor that in many cases, renders those companies totally overwhelmed and outcompeted by large ones.
In conclusion, while the emergence of self-employment has manifested itself as an inexorable process of the world economy after the great recession in 2008, the odds of people who wish to pursue this form of employment to be successful still remain relatively low.
From my view, you should not separate the second and third paragraph. Additionally, I think you should use more conjunction words to make your essay more diverse and natural with all the ideas mentioned. Overall, your opinions are very suitable with the nowadays phenomenon.
Thank you so much for your comment.
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Even though you have written way too many words for this essay, you still failed to properly respond to the prompt requirements. You were not able to properly outline the discussion topics that should have been located within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. You do not need to combine any paragraphs in this essay because this is only a 4 paragraph essay composed of:
- Reason for self-employment
- Disadvantage of self - employment
- Concluding paraphrase ( topic, reason, disadvantage, closing sentence)
You also did not time your response writing for this task. You wrote 322 words when the handwritten test will not allow you to write more than 290 words. Time yourself next time. You will see a difference between the writing that you did using a timer and the one done without. You cannot write that many words within the given time frame.
There is a lack of coherence in the discussion. Since you discussed how people work for themselves because they want to earn more, then your disadvantage should have related to how earning money as a self-employed person is harder because of the lack of secured income. Your previous paragraph, about the recession of 2008 shows that you did research and did not use personal experience or knowledge. Do not do research for any practice tests. You will not have the time, nor the access to research materials once you are at the testing center. Don't waste your time doing something you cannot apply in the real time exam setting.
Thank you for your very helpful review!
In fact, i did not do any research. The 2008 recession is like common knowledge that people mention everyday in their conversations in my country. However, after reading some essays of the same topic available, I found that none of them listed economic crisis as a reason. Do you think it could be regarded as a valid one? And, if you dont mind, can you give me your opinion about the band score i got for that essay. Thanks in advance!