Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

IELTS Task 2:Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company


sodagreensmile 1 / -  
Jul 12, 2019   #1
Topic:Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.Why might this be the case?
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
Given reasons for your answer and relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


own business better than a regular employment?



There are more people choosing to be self-employed,rather than being employed by a company or organisation.In my opinion,the phenomenon can be explained by three reasons.One is that people are dislike to be managed,especially when your idea is conflicted to your managers'.Most of us have to discard our thought reluctantly in these circumstances. Another is that some presume that being self-employed earns more money than being employed.The other is that with being self-employed,you may have your own career,own brand,or own company,and some people target it as a pivotal goal on their lives.Although being self-employed seems so attractive that many people are drawn to it,there's several disadvantages of it.One is that you have to undertake all the risks.For example,my dad is a boss of a company.One time the upstream vendor collapse accidentlally,my dad had to meet up all the loss of his consumers because he is who consumers could only sink for.The other is that you must have far more things to do compared to being just an employee.You need to take the responsibilities of all things ,and that can lead to an extended work hours.As my dad does, he goes to the company whenever any problems happen.Comparing being self-employed and being employed,there's no only answer of which is better.The answer depends on everyone's characteristic and their own life-goal.But one is for sure,success is for the one who works harder in their choose.

Feel free to give an advice and thank you!!

Maria [Contributor] - / 487 214  
Jul 12, 2019   #2
@sodagreensmile
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback to assist you in this.

Firstly, is your organization really a block of text or is this a mistake when you had placed things into the forum? If it's the former, then try to implement a more organized and structured approach through having appropriate spacing between sentences and paragraphs. Clusters of thoughts that lead to similar conclusions can form single paragraphs to assist you.

Be cautious as well of your punctuation and preposition usage. These are fundamental and yet critical parts of your technical writing.

Furthermore, the example you had used can also be improved by using something less personal and more generic. Try to keep a balance when writing.

Best of luck.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2:Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company