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Some people claim, that the improvement of technology has decimated the value of traditional culture


fatmajanna 5 / 5 3  
Nov 30, 2016   #1
Question:

It is inevitable that as technology develops, traditional cultures will be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer

Technology has been used and developed by several professors around the world to make human life easier. Nevertheless, some claim the improvement of technology has decimated the value of traditional culture so you have to choose either evolution of technology or our tradition. In my opinion, although technology has a negative impact towards our culture, it has several benefits via blog, youtube and website those are vital to our traditional culture. Traditional culture has been introduced globally via blog and website. Many website like nationalgeografic provide a lot of information regarding the history of our culture that is able to be seen interestingly by other people from different country. Likewise, today, a number of blog have contained our traditional culture such as dance, ritual and other tradition. Although, sometimes they conduct it for attracting other to visit their blogs, it also can let the world know about the improvement of our culture.

In addition, some of us watch youtube every day when we are in the free time or some of them uploading regarding our culture. For instance, the youtube channel from 'my trip my adventure' which a lot of video regarding our culture had been producted by them and it has been viral. Therefore, technology will increase such information about our culture world wide.

On the other side, technology as social media can decrease the value of our culture when we become lazier to have conversation to our friend instead of using chat application in social media. In a result it will reduce the way we use region language as our tradition culture.

In conclusion, albeit it has a negative side of using technology towards our culture, it will be addressed by using it effectively such as creating blog, youtube or website about our traditional culture.

~ kindly read my essay, give some comments, critics and recommendations so that I can improve my writing and please estimate how much is the IELTS writing score for this essay, thank you very much ~

ifraanisa05 44 / 70 6  
Dec 1, 2016   #2
Hi, Fatmajana here is my suggestions

- In your introductory paragraph, you need to paraphrase the prompt first. After that, you have to create a general statement. some examples might put at the body paragraph

- In your body paragraph, first sentence is the main idea, short explanation, example and result
- creating a structured essay will ease examiner when reading your essay, and flow of your essay can be obvious.


Many websitewebsites like nationalgeografic...

some of us watch youtube every day when we are in the free time watching youtube in our leisure time ....

in conclusion, you should make a paraphrase of thesis statement and you may add the suggestion.


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