(IELTS) Nowadays people communicate in different way with each other because of technology

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

different interaction between people

More and more people have changed their ways of interaction with others due to the development of technology. When it comes to iPhone or iPad, the technology in it affects the way we express our thoughts and this essay will see it a positive development because it creates certain intimacy among people we care.

IPhones or other high-tech smart devices allow us to instantly bring our loved ones in front of us lively, by using Hangout or Snapchat. When the time we didn't have these gadgets, writing a letter that takes days to reach far-away, walking across a mountain to meet friends, or padding a canoe to the other side of the lake to reach your parents, etc., were once common scenarios and were the only few ways to convey what people wanted to say to the others which easily cause an estranged relationship. However, with advanced technology in smart phones, we can easily keep a close contact with people we love. For example, when my father was transferred to India to work, he called back via Facetime every night to say good night to us, which allow children to keep familiar with him.

This has become a positive development in regard to more people are able to contact with the ones they care easily. We used to suffer from the long distance relationships that refrain us from caring the others, since mailing a letter by post is time consuming. However, the advent of smart phones breaks the obstacles from distance and provides us with a chance to keep loved ones closer by saying hi everyday via Facetime. For example, Skype and Facetime are the two most popular apps that used by 86% of American students who study overseas to connect with their parents and friends according to the questionnaires done by the National Telecom Company in the US.

In conclusion, smart phone technology has changed the long distance relationship from hardly keeping close to remain familiar, and with less people suffering from this the essay consider it as a positive development.

Chen, you want to know the biggest problem that I see with this essay? You focused on a specific technology for discussion instead of keeping the general discussion that the prompt requirement instructed you to develop. There was no technology indicated by name and yet you felt the need to indicate specific, named, technology in your essay. You would have scored better if you simply focused on the general technology descriptions as previously indicated. Saying "email, texting, video calls, social media" were all more acceptable forms of referring to technology other than being specific to Snapchat, IPhone, etc. This shows that you understood the instructions but had no idea how to properly discuss it. This brings me to the problem in your opening statement. Rather than using a continuous discussion by using the word "and", you should have instead used a full stop and indicated that this would be a positive discussion as a separate sentence. After all, each part of the original prompt should have been represented as a separate sentence in the paraphrasing. The opening paragraph should have reversed the original presentation from that of questions, to sentences of facts. Also, the term is "paddling" which means "the act of propelling a small boat forward by using a paddle." Padding describes soft material such as foam or cloth used to pad or stuff something". You meant to say "paddling" right? Overall, the score for this essay would most likely be a 4.