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IELTS- T2: Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished?

Minhthuy1993 2 / 2  
May 15, 2020   #1

why criminals re-offend after being discharged from prison

Topic: Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Today, the issue of why criminals re-offend after being discharged from prison has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this problem can be attributed to a whole host of reasons, some feasible solutions can be taken to tackle that.

Several reasons are cited to explain the emergence of this problem. First, since offenders are poverty, they will be inclined to commit crimes after releasing from prison. In fact, because of their criminal records, they are unaccepted in society, which makes finding a job more difficult and they often have no way of making a living as a result that they have to continue breaking laws. Second, by being sent in prison, offenders mix with other criminals who can be a negative influence. They are easily persuaded to continue engaging in unlawful activities.

Nevertheless, there are several feasible solutions to this problem. First, in order to reduce the rate of crime, governments should have rehabilitation programs that prisoner for release into society. For example, prisons should provide education and vocational training for offenders to learn new skills like cooking, and gardening, which helps criminals return to the community. Second, if offenders feel useful in their communities, they will not re-offend. Plenty of evidence suggests that when offenders are accepted in society as others, they are able to find a job that helps them support themselves and their family, which leads to the delinquency's reduction.

In conclusion, this problem is caused by many reasons, and some solutions will be considered to solve it. By considering all reasons, governments can choose the best decision to diminish the rate of crime.

270 words
Thank you!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,801 4780  
May 15, 2020   #2
This is a very solid essay that could have been even better if your had done the following:
- Outlined your reasons in the discussion restatement as a response to the direct questions being asked
- Better explained how the prisoners can be fully re-integrated into and accepted by society in general.

The first reasoning paragraph is well developed and explained. This shows a clear understanding of the given discussion. Your examples are well stated as it is obviously based upon publicly known information regarding recidivism. That will definitely help to increase your C&C score.

However, the lack of a clear explanation of your suggestion for the re-integration of the former convicts lacks supporting suggestion. How do you think it should be done? Why would this be effective? Those are the questions that second reasoning paragraph should have better explained.

The conclusion should have been longer. It should have been 5 sentences covering:
- Topic restatement
- Your 2 connected reasons
- Your 2 connected solutions
- A repeated explanation of why the solution will work

You have truly written an acceptable essay here. It shows your potential to reach the passing score, at the very least. The LR section will also score well because you used certain applicable words such as feasible and provide, in a natural flowing way. Word usage tends to better help the score when the word is used in a manner that does not sound forced, out of meaning, or the student obviously trying to impress the reviewer.

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