Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment.
What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?
Human actions have done tremendous damage on the ecosystem in recent decades. Solutions to this serious problem call for both governmental and individual participation.
There are many contributors to the deterioration of the climate. The first is fossil fuel consumption that is a leading cause of air pollution, posing a significant threat to the ozone layer. For example, millions of tons of hazardous gas emissions are released directly into the atmosphere from various industrial parks each month, exacerbating the polluted air - one of the leading causes of global warming. Second, deforestation has a detrimental impact on ecological balance. To illustrate further, illegal logging and clearing of trees, which are the key causes of habitat destruction, putting various animal species in great danger due to shelter and food scarcity.
Various steps should be taken by the national governments and individuals to resolve these severe problems. Firstly, with the position of national leaders, governments should enforce tougher penalties on factories with unsuitable gas disposal systems. In turn, policymakers would promote the use of environmentally sustainable sources of energy, such as solar, wind and water, to make room for the burning of fossil fuels in the fight against global warming for environmental conservation purposes. The governments could then improve the management of forests and enforce more stringent laws to make forest thieves and forest destruction preventive to keep the natural environment secure.
As individuals, we could help to improve the "forest" on Earth by engaging in local environmental conservation activities, such as "no littering," "planting trees". In addition, we should purchase more energy-saving home appliances to reduce people's reliance on fossil fuels. Furthermore, to eradicate deforestation and guarantee the natural habitat of humans and animals, each citizen must comply with the government regulations.
In conclusion, as described above, both national governments and individuals will play their part in making every possible effort to protect the environment on Earth in the fight against serious environmental problems.
I think in your second paragraph you should add a comma after "The first". Other than this I can not spot a mistake. But I hope this is beneficial for you.
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Analyze the prompt you were given. There were 2 questions presented, both of which required a direct response in the paraphrase. This is being done in the original prompt to help you, as the writer, to better brainstorm and outline your response to the discussion topic. All you have to do, after you restate the topic, is respond to the questions directly, assuring you of an average to higher than average TA score, depending upon your presentation. For this essay, you could have gotten a better TA score if you had immediately given a response to:
-The damage humans do
-Possible government response
-Individual person response
So the restated prompt should have been similar to:
The activities of human beings, such as the unabated use of petrol products, have caused an increase in the overall temperature of the climate. Thus leading to hotter weather. The government can help ease this situation by regulating the sale and use of petrol products. While humans can help slow down the planet's temperature change by lessening the use of petrol in their daily lives.
Once this response outline has been clearly made, establishing what the topics for discussion will be in the essay (this is a 5 paragraph essay by the way), the TA score will find an immediate increase as the writer clearly shows an analysis of the question and an ability to quickly develop an applicable response in short form, in English.
You show a good understanding of the prompt requirement based on your discussion paragraphs. However, there is a lack of explanatory development in your presentation. I strongly suggest that you limit the use of word fillers:
- There are many contributors to the deterioration of the climate.
- The first is...
- For example...
- Various steps should be taken by the national governments and individuals to resolve these severe problems. Firstly...
- As individuals,
These are all word fillers that prevented you from simply stating the facts, thus creating a cohesive discussion presentation which then leads to a coherent discussion paragraph. Topic sentence focused essays, with less to no word fillers always score better in the C&C and GRA sections.
Thanks so much!
Thanks for spending your precious time reading my essay and giving such constructive feedback. I'm going to learn more about what you've mentioned.