People are difficult to permit their children to travel or doing work - IELTS

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Teenagers are supported to travel to other countries before entering to university for studying and after completing their high school in many countries. Travel provides many offers to be learned. Although traveling has the drawbacks, I firmly believe that the benefits of travel are greater than the disadvantages.

The reason why people sometimes think young children do not need to work or travel is that there is nothing they can achieve from its. People are difficult to permit their children to travel or doing work so they never leave their countries or town for several days to get experience. For instance, most people in US do not have passport, they then only travel once or twice in their lives. As a result, people never estimate their income to their children for making a journey and eventually children do not have many experiences or knowledge to be shared and to be taught for others.

In terms of the advantages of travel, young people who do a journey can get opportunity to learn many things, such as cultures and language. Travel gives the challenge for young age to study about different cultures, expectation from other societies, and even languages because people in other counties may have some unique cultures and different a language barrier so that teenagers can obtain the chance to learn for a year. A study shows that people who often travel around the world can keep their mind and body young. They gain happier soul and mind owing to their interesting travel. In addition, work or travel also makes people getting more knowledge and this will become another reason to meet other societies in many countries in several continents. Therefore, there is no reason not to decide a great journey for young people at this time.

In conclusion, despite travel addresses the disadvantages for people in which they have to prepare more money to do a journey, it gives more benefits when young people think travel will enrich their experiences and knowledge for their lives. They do not need worry about the risks in their journey or work place because they will learn how to solve the problem as well. Traveling or working guides them to build good character, to be a great leader, and to manage time well.

I think that your intro need to rework,

Teenagers are supported to travel to other countries before entering to university for studying and after completing their high school in many countries. Travel provides many offers to be learned. Although traveling has the drawbacks, I firmly believe that the benefits of travel are greater than the disadvantages.

For making intro I would argue that it is better if you:
1. should begin huge by specific sentence and clear meaning. (In your intro, huge "first sentence" is bulky)
2. Should put your reason after you write paraphrase question and topic sentence to support main idea of sentences (like our teacher teach us to make introduction for IELTS) so we, as reader, can take clear meaning of what you write.

Overall, your ideas is good.