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When people fail at schools, it doesn't mean that they miss a chance to reach success in the future


Oscar Tam 2 / 3 2  
Mar 10, 2018   #1
Topic: Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

Are Grades Important In Schools?



In our academic stage, most adults and elders told us the academic result was so important to our life, that affects which career we carry on in the future, that affects the salary scale what we have. However, when we follow the pace of our growth and enter the real society, the fact is totally different. Many questions have been asked by our young. In this essay, I would like to make some analysis to explain the reason what is going on.

First of all, academic result and achievement are just one part of the consideration for the employers. The successful staffs and workers depend on a lot of part in their workplace, such as the working attitude, communication skills, leadership, discipline and show on. The academic result probably reflects how hard work and smart the candidates are, however it can't tell what attitude and harmony they are.

Furthermore, the graduates came from their school to the workplace, most likely need to be further training and support. The employed company required to spend their time and spirit to teach them even if the 1st class honor student in the university. That's why the academic achievement would only be a portion to weigh the availability of the employees.

To discuss the things influencing success in life, many persons would define success is how rich you are and position of your career. To my concept, I would like to introduce which should be reinforced on the foundation of basic economy and money. Those can let you chase your dream life and take care your family member as well as yourself. Based on this economic foundation, is your lifestyle and career you desire? That would be another deeper question of being successful in life. If we can gain satisfactory in terms of achievement in our career, it probably would be one of the successes in our life. If we can comply what we thought and action, it may be enjoying a delicious meal with parents, shopping on the street with friends and feeling free to have some sports with brothers and sisters. Those may be another one success in our life. To be honest, it depends on how you define the successful life to generate lots of achievements and tasks in your mind that you need to step by step to complete each one.

In conclusion, people fail in school doesn't mean that they miss the chance to possess success in their life since it just becomes one part of the score to be considered by the employers. The most important thing to succeed which depends on what your goals and satisfaction in life.

TJLuschen - / 245 191  
Mar 10, 2018   #2
Hi, I don't think your essay addressed the prompt very well. The first part of the question is why do some people who fail in school end up doing so well? The classic example is Bill Gates, who dropped out of college, but became very successful. You seemed to focus on the employers instead of the success stories. Nobody even hired Bill Gates, so employers are not necessarily relevant. The second part wants you to discuss what is the most important characteristic a person needs to succeed in life. Instead you wrote about how someone should define success. Maybe you could mention that very briefly to define the terms you are using, but I think you misread the prompt since you did not discuss the actual factor or characteristic that most determine success. Here are some specific usage suggestions:

In our academic stage {"academic stage" sounds a bit odd - maybe "academic years" or "academic career"}

the academic [results were] so important

affects the salary scale what we have

when we follow the pace of our growth and {"follow the pace of our growth" sounds vague - what exactly do you mean?}

asked by our young. {"young" as a noun is really only used to refer to young animals}

In this essay, I would like to make some analysis to explain the reason what is going on. {I think this thesis statement is pretty weak. A thesis statement should be able to stand on its own and give a succinct summary of your entire argument, but this does neither}

First of all, academic [results] and

and workers depend [on various aspects of] their workplace,

discipline and [so] on.

reflects how hard [working] and smart the candidates

tell what attitude and harmony they [have].

Furthermore, the graduates [who] came from t

need to be further [trained and supported].

The employed company [that hired them is] required to spend

even if the [new employee was a] 1st class honor student

be a portion to weigh the availability of the employees. {"availability" is not the right word here - I'm not exactly sure what you mean}

To discuss the [factors] {try to avoid using "things" in a formal essay. It sounds vague and usually means you could not come up with a better word} influencing success

define success [as] how rich you are

I would like to introduce which should be reinforced on the foundation of basic economy and money. {this is confusing to me- maybe you mean {which additional aspects should build on the foundation ..."}

take care [of] your family [members] as well as yourself.

lifestyle and career [your only] desire?

If we can gain [satisfaction] in terms of achievement

If we can comply what we thought and action, {this clause is incorrect and confusing}

feeling free to [play] some sports

may be another [key] success in our life.

To be honest, ... step by step to complete each one. {this sentence was confusing - are you saying for some people, they feel like they have to generate a list and check of the boxes? Or is this true for everybody, but the checklist will be different for each person?}

In conclusion, [people's failure] in school

The most important thing [is] to succeed

goals and satisfaction [are] in life.
OP Oscar Tam 2 / 3 2  
Mar 11, 2018   #3
@TJLuschen
Thank you for your help, I would make improvement on it.


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