IELTS Writing task 2 : Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animals

I'd really appreciate a fresh perspective on my essay and as much feedback as you can think of. Thank you so much!

Question: Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is a debatable subject that some people think spending money on preserving endangered species is wasted, but some argue that money should be used on different places. I agree with the former opinion, which I am going to discuss the topic in depth on my essay below.

Firstly, as long as there are some species facing endanger, the ecosystem will be dramatically influenced. For example, if the blue whale vanish in the future, it would lead the marine environment unbalanced. Besides, many species which survive on whale will probably lose the way to exist because of food chain and ecosystem are destroyed. As a result, there is not a waste of using money to protect these creatures.

Secondly, animal species become endangered is due to human beings, the global warming cause a lot of animals in danger. For instance, the number of polar bear gradually decrease because of their habitats are polluted so they have no food can eat, and finally it cause them die. This fact apparently show that people should take charge in saving animals species at risk.

In conclusion, it is necessary to use financial resources on endangered creatures due to helping maintain perfect ecosystem and facing responsibilities of human. Therefore, I disagree with those who argue against investing in endangered species, as the benefits far outweigh the costs, both for the environment and future generations.

The essay will receive an automatic failing score because it comes in under the minimum word count. There are only 230 words in this essay that has a 250 minimum word count. When you do not meet the word count, the examiner will note how many words are missing in the essay and then deduct it from the preliminary Task Accuracy score. That normally equates to failing half the test immediately. Then the additional errors, such as the incorrect response format that you gave, and other grammatical errors will be added on the total deductions, leading to a failure to achieve a passing base score for the task. You have to ensure meeting the word count to avoid the auto fail score.

Beside word count, I think you should explain your ideas more clearly. For example, in the second paragraph, after the first sentence you should explain why the ecosystem is disrupted due to many species being in danger (they are part of the food chain, the disappearance of one species impacts the others), then give examples.

I always follow this order in writing task 2: main idea -> explain -> example. Believe me, it works.

"it is necessary to use financial resources on endangered creatures due to helping maintain perfect ecosystem and facing responsibilities of human" -> It is essential to allocate financial resources toward conserving and safeguarding endangered species in order to preserve ecosystem balance and to take responsibility for the harmful impacts of human activities.

@Heidi_han
Thanks for your suggestion!