Work/Life balance
MANY PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BALANCE THEIR RESPONSIBILITY AT HOME AND IN THE WORKPLACE. WHAT, IN YOUR OPINION, IS THE REASON FOR THIS? HOW CAN BE BALANCED?
Balancing between work and life duty has been a topic of concern in today's society. It is hard for numerous workers trying to achieve an equilibrium between work time and family time. Personally, serious problems have arisen as a result of this, and the solution needs to be adopted to combat the issue.
There are two primary roots of this trend. First and foremost, facing the number of tight work schedules daily must be taken into consideration. In particular, after working over-8-hour-a-day, the workers also have to burn the midnight oil to tackle some tasks and assignments which must be completed totally before meeting the deadline. It could result in stress and poor health. Additionally, workaholics may neglect their families and friends, which causes breaking off their relationship around them.
One further cause could be the parental roles in sharing their household responsibilities. As I came up previously, recently, almost both parents often work. Thus, they find it difficult to establish the time sensibly to assume childcare responsibilities. It causes the issue of lacking closeness in families. Also, they must pay attention to reduce the heavy workload and make a fair division.
There are several plausible remedies which can mitigate the issue. Firstly, firms should reduce the hectic schedules of their workers and increase the day-off for them to take some regular holidays. This guarantees their health perfectively and working effectively. Secondly, the employee must balance between work time and family time by making a wisely timetable. Lastly, they should be free to leave their jobs to assume childcare responsibilities and spend more time on their home.
In conclusion, the lack of flexibility to take on the duty in their home and the workplace is the main reason, which triggers the crisis. Nevertheless, some measures can be taken to deal with the problem. It is in my opinion that people just work to make ends meet and spend almost the time to rejoice with their families in the beautiful land of life.
Hi, just a few suggestions:
- You need an outline statement, to show what you are going to present in the essay below, something more specific, not too general or vague.
- I think you should use more transitional phrases like furthermore, consequently
- And wise timetable not wisely timetable
@Thich Thong Luc
- It should be "their family" insted of "their families" as your own one.
- Bonus more "days-off"
- "This guarantees their health ..." should be "This may help them maintain a perfect health for an effective work"
Hope this may help/
Hi, @ Thich Thong Luc
I would like to suggest some ways that can improve your essay. Hope this may come in useful.
1) The question asks you to identify the reasons and solutions to the problem mentioned, so it is necessary to address briefly these parts in your opening. For example, in the third sentence of your opening, based on your arguments, I suggest rewriting the sentence into something like this: In my opinion, such problem stems from hectic working schedules and unequal share of household responsibilities, hence the need for sensible solutions to tackle the issue.
---> This will give examiners brief info on what you are going to justify in your essay.
2) As regards the first paragraph of the body, I think it lacks connection and sounds a bit unnatural because of your vocabulary choice. Here is my suggestion on how you can rewrite it:
- .... First and foremost, it should be taken into consideration that many workers nowadays face tight working schedules on a daily basis. Particularly, in addition to an 8-hour working day, they must burn the midnight oil to complete more tasks before deadlines. This can result in stress, poor health and negligence of families and friends, thus negatively affecting their personal lives and relationships.
3) In the second paragraph of the body, I suggest you omit the phrase "As I came up previously" because I think it is unnecessary and in the previous paragraph, you only mention 'the workers' in general but not the specifics (Parents). Furthermore, this paragraph lacks connective words, which makes it hard for me to understand your thread of arguments. Here is my suggestion on how to rewrite this part:
- One further cause............ Due to increased workload in modern times, many parents find it hard to manage their time spent on childcaring/ to pay much attention to childcaring. This can lead to inadequate bonding between family members...
* I don't get the last line of the paragraph, so I cannot suggest where to put it correctly.
4) As for the third part of the body, although it is sensibly structured, I think there may be some misused words such as 'perfectively', 'home' or 'wisely timetable' and redundancy ('increase the day-off for them to take regular holidays'). I also think you may need to change the phrase 'reduce the hectic schedules of....' because oftentimes, 'reduce' means 'make something less or smaller in size, quantity, price, etc.' (Oxford Dictionary), which suggests the word itself usually goes with something that is quantifiable (e.g. the number, the amount,....). Here is my suggestion of one way to rewrite this part:
- .... Firstly, firms should reduce the amount of workload and increase days off for workers. This guarantees improved/perfect health and effective work. Secondly, employees must maintain balance between work and family (maintain work-life balance) by making a wise timetable. Lastly, they should be free to leave their jobs to assume childcare responsibilities and spend more time on their family/with their family.
thanks for all of you. It is so necessary and i'll try my best.
@Thich Thong Luc
Hello there! Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find the previous writing feedbacks to contain the necessary information for you to improve. If you will, I'd like to add in more information from my end to hopefully help you once more.
First and foremost, try to curate more concise sentences. The first step to doing this would be through removing repetitions throughout. This includes, for instance, synonyms that are quite unnecessary. For example, in your first paragraph, you could have omitted the first "time" in the second sentence. While these are small steps, they would certainly help you in the long-run.
While I think that you had quite substantive input on the essay, I would heavily suggest trying to add firmer, concrete examples sprinkled all throughout. Doing this would certainly help you.
