If people want to have a good future they should have a careful plan

Question: Do you agree or diasagree if people want to have a good future they should have a careful plan while they are still young.

In this present days, people do not leave the future for God or fate to decide like religionists would but make decisions based on physical factors like economy, availability of job opportunities and so on. I can infer that these people accept the physical factors as primal to their lives than God or any spiritual factor. I know i sound like someone from the past century but i just felt like starting this essay from a deeper part of my heart. Personally, i am convinced that in this present world, whether conciously or not, one must forsee, forecast and plan because the physical and economic forces are so strong and visible. Sincerely, I believe the only way a true christain can survive is if birds from heaven will always deliver food and rent will also be by passed somehow, or else that person will starve to death for not facing the physical factors directly by gettiing a job to fend for himself.

However, if i were to ignore this perspective, believing that it is right for every one to work and be able to fend for himself; then i will consider it very reasonable for people to carefully plan for their future while they are still young. Planning in this case would mean trying to get the possible best out of life. The considerations will the economy of your future country, availability of job opportunities or carriers of your choice, a culture that suits your lifestyle and so on. I believe that with a careful plan of the future, people can find and attain the best living conditions for themselves.

I understand the reason for the meditation on religion with which you preface this essay, but I feel that this is ineffective. Certainly, you should avoid -- in a formal essay -- saying that you just feel like (or don't feel like) writing the essay in a particular way.

Assuming that this is a test essay, I'd stay away from the religious commentary altogether. One never knows what religious beliefs or biases the scorers might have. Instead, stick to the material world. As it happens, this is what you want to do anyway, as you are arguing that a plan is necessary. The problem is that, by the time you are finished speculating about religion, very little of the essay is devoted to a strong argument for the benefits of planning. Most of what you say is very vague, so much so that I have a hard time responding to anything specific.

Try again.