Hello, it's my first post here.
Please help me correct and evaluate my essay. Thanks a lot!
If people are on vacation, they should leave their mobile phones at home.
People nowadays are highly depending on their mobile phones in every aspect of daily life. However, an issue about the necessity of bringing mobile phones during vacations has been raised. Some people consider this technological device as a distraction or a disturbance and suggest leaving it at home, while others don't. As far as I am concerned, when people go on vacation, they are supposed to carry their mobile phones which can bring countless advantages for their tours.
To begin with, people can capture the memorable moments on vacation by taking pictures with their cell phones. For example, a couple of years ago, my college friends and I spent a great time at Thailand's beach. We used our cell phones to take many photos there to seize the beautiful scenery and also memorize our friendship. Every time I see those pictures, I can remember the activities we had and our laughter that day. Apparently, carrying mobile phones on vacation is a wise choice to save memories; otherwise, they could just fade away.
Apart from that, if people get lost on their trips, the navigation function on their smartphones can lead the way for them. For instance, when I went to Japan last year, I once lost my direction in a small village where there were no stores nearby to ask for help. Thanks to my smartphone, I turned on the GPS and it then successfully navigated me to the right path to the train station. From this experience, people should really bring a mobile phone on holiday because it enables people to solve problems.
Last but not least, people on holiday still need to contact with others in some cases. For one thing, emergencies might happen during the holiday. A family member might be seriously sick or injured. In this case, people are required to have their cell phones with them, in case someone tries to call them in urgent. For another, sometimes people and their traveling partner want to go separately for a short time. With mobile phones, they can meet up more easily.
To conclude, mobile phones play an indispensable role in handling different situations and people should not be without them on vacation. It is always better to be prepared for the unexpectedness in a journey.
Hi Johnny, It's a nice and a readable writing as well. it has been arranged well and is easy to be understood. Hoewever, here is some suggestions for your writing.
Firtsly, is it IELTS writing task? if so, it would be better to attach the question
As far as I am concerned , when people go on vacation...
In introduction, writer is supposed to state his/her main idea clearly, thus it eases him/her to arrange body 1 & 2
However, I notice that you have presented your idea in body 1 and 2 well
Keep writing. Best regards.
Hi Johny
Here some suggestions for your writing
I am not sure that it is an IELTS writing since you did not attach the question to make us know what kind of question is this. Is it agree disagree or problem solution, etc.
Ielts be like
Introduction
1. Background (Paraphrasing the prompt)
2. Thesis statement (Writer position and opinion)
Body 1 & 2
1. topic sentence
2. supporting idea
3. examples
4. Brief conclusion
Conclusion
Hopefully it works for you as beginner
Best Regard
