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Nowadays people are more interested to have an own company, despite some dangers and drawbacks.



Wilyaftika23 46 / 31  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
Some people decide do start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, many factories are developing in every country especially in the industrial cities, but people are more interest to become an entrepreneur. Although, there are some dangers and drawbacks to start-up own business. I believe that have own business is more benefit than the disadvantages.

There are two dangers and drawbacks to build own business. The one that, it has higher risk than people work as work-force. Becoming an entrepreneur, people must have complex planning with high capital. This means, we must have well-prepared before having start-up in the business because many people have the same occasion. So, we must ready competing with other and ready to get loss financial. On the other hand, people as work-force just do what a duty is offered by boss and finish in the exact time. A further disadvantages is that we must have sustainable invention to improve our business. It means that for the next period we must ready for new innovation and make our business more developed than before.

On the other hand, becoming an entrepreneur has several points and it is favor. The main one is convenience. People who have own job can relax in their business because of less pressure. Also, job time is flexible. If we compare with employee, they must come to office in the morning and come back in the afternoon. And then, people who become an entrepreneur can finish their job every time whenever they want to finish. The other advantage is they have higher income and can open job opportunity to other people.

All in all, I think that becoming an entrepreneur is better choice than the one who work as employee. However, someone that afraid to get high risk can work in company or organisation. And I would not recommend to have own business.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15393  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
Hi Wily. I am really sad to say this but due to the numerous errors in formatting, content and discussion, this essay would not score higher than a 4 in an actual test. The reasons behind the score are far ranging. Please allow me to explain why this is the highest score you can garner for this work.

First of all, while you did understand the prompt, you were unable to clearly discuss the topic in a comprehensive manner. Your thoughts were splashed all over a single paragraph, lacking in proper presentation and wanting in logic and reasoning. So this makes the essay highly difficult to understand.

You have to practice grouping your thoughts into related, successive paragraphs. You cannot discuss numerous, contradicting reasons in the same paragraph. This causes a confusion for the reader as there is no clear line of discussion being presented. Basically, you have to decide, the minute you are asked for an opinion in the prompt, if you will be writing the essay in a compare and contrast manner, which will allow you to discuss pro and con reasons in alternating paragraphs, or if you will write an opinion paper, which means the reasons need to be grouped in related paragraphs then discussed accordingly.
badafebriani17 34 / 41  
Oct 27, 2016   #3
Hi this is my suggestion.
1. ... for competing with other (company) and ready to ...
Preposition+Ving---> so you need ad preposition before "competing"

2. ... their job every time(,) whenever they want to finish.
put comma after conjunction "whenever"

3. ... afraid to get high risk (he/she) can work in ...
need Subject between two clauses


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