a dog or cat as a part of family
Nowadays , Many people are very busy with their job , Whereas they have a family who accompany them , However , most of them keep dogs and cats as companion ,there are many advantages and disadvantages of pet ownership , but disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
One of the advantages is security, pets , dogs or cats can be a guard for keepng our house from robber , they also give us signal when there are someone who come in our house without permission , therefore , we will fell safety from robber. On the other hand , Altough pets can be security for our house we should spend much money for taking care and feeding them. Every years, pets certain need a food for grow up, and it will be duty for ownership to care over time. Thus , indirectly we spent much money just for pets, in contrast , if one month we give a security fee only about Rp 1.5 billion but Rp 2 billion should be spent by ownership for taking and feeding the pet
Furthermore, the other benefits of pet ownership is entertainment, when pet ownership go home from their job, playing with their pets could be stress relief for them due to the job bustle. But in most couses , cats and dogs can give a infectious disease to the ownership , there are foxo in cat and rabies in dog. advisable we are doing other sterss relief but we are more safety than we get stress relief from pets which giving us infectious disease.
In conclude ,Due to the advantages of keeping pets have the weakness , the advantages of keep dogs and cats as companion outweigh the disadvantages.
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Aural, your essay suffers from severe punctuation errors. You are using comma's throughout the essay instead of placing periods in strategic positions within the paragraph. You have mistaken long sentences, composed of different ideas, but connected by commas, as complex sentences. While I can understand why that happened, the reality is that complex sentences are composed of one semi-long sentence, that conveys a descriptive thought in the given sentence. It is not composed of different ideas, strewn together by commas. These mistakes in sentence development and presentation will result a score of 3 at the most for your GRA band.
Your TA score will also suffer point deductions due to the inappropriate formatting of your prompt paraphrase. The prompt paraphrase is meant to help the examiner measure your English comprehension ability. How well did you understand the question and, does your response to the question fit the given task? In this case, your answer was partially correct. Your paraphrase of the prompt does not really come across as accurate, and your thesis statement does not respond directly to the question posed. Mostly because you decided to compare and contrast when a singular opinion response was all that was required in the thesis statement. This could have been better presented as:
These days, people have been known to have canine and feline playmates. Some people believe that the advantages of such a set up is more beneficial than non-beneficial to these people. There are several reasons why this could be considered a beneficial relationship.
Note how the actual prompt was paraphrased by using similar in meaning words (synonyms). By using synonyms, you are able to showcase your vocabulary skills in a manner that shows your ability to use several descriptive words for the same meaning:
Canine = Dog
Feline = Cat
Companion - playmate
Advantages - beneficial
Disadvantages - non- beneficial
By using different words that hold the same meaning, you increase your possibility at a higher LR score which, at the moment, due to your mistakes in spelling throughout the essay (Altough = Although, fell = feel, couses = causes) can only score another 3 in the LR bracket. You have limited control over word formation which often does not convey a meaning to the word that you wrote that is immediately obvious to the reader. Please take the time to edit and revise your paper prior to submission.
Your C&C score, I believe, cannot score higher than a 3 either because you do not show the ability to develop coherent and cohesive paragraphs. You are tying together different reasonings, without really developing an explanation for these, within a single paragraph. It would be best for you to practice the 1 topic per paragraph with a 3-5 sentence explanation, inclusive of an example, in order to help you create more understandable statements. Use the 3 body paragraph format to present your ideas. For this essay I suggest the following format:
1. Reason 1 - subject sentence, reason, example
2. Reason 2 - subject sentence, reason, example
3. Reason 3 - subject sentence, reason, example (optional but suggested for increased scoring potential)
By using the above format, you would have been able to better address each benefit of having pets for companions, without confusing the reader and causing undue stress because of the lack of explanation coming from you regarding the reasons you listed. You would also do well to use transition words and sentences in order to prepare your reader for the change in discussion for the next paragraph to be presented.
By the way, don't mention any figures or information that is exclusive to your country. The Task 2 Essay deals with general information so your presentation should also be general in approach. That will show how familiar you are with various discussion topics. If you have omitted the mention of the amount of security fees, your essay would have been better off as it would have remained in a general "global" tone instead.
Try to develop a 3 sentence concluding summary that depicts all of the topic sentences and pertinent reasons from your body paragraphs. That is the purpose of the concluding paragraph. It allows you to repeat the information, in a differently worded manner in order to show the reviewer that you have the skills with which to explain yourself in different forms in English. A well developed opening and closing paraphrased paragraph will result in a higher TA score for the test taker.