What can people do to live a long life? This is a common question throughout our life. Many people want to live long, so they have to keep tract of their daily activities. A single simple fact could change people's life span. These facts could be smoking, sleeping habit and exercise.
Smoking is a harmful habit to people. It will decrease the life span for people. It causes lung cancer and lung diseases. In addition, smoking contributes to numerous illnesses that do not necessarily result in death. But it will certainly decrease their life span. Smoking not only decreases the person's life span, but it also decreases the life span of the people around that person. This is called second-hand smoking. Second-hand smoke is more dangerous than directly inhaled smoke. The smoking person not only caused harm to himself but also to others. Stop smoking will increase one's life span.
Having a good sleeping habit is necessary for people to live long. People who slept more than eight hours a night, or less than four hours, showed an increased risk of death. People who sleep five, six or seven hours have a higher life expectancy. Sleeping longer may be associated with higher death rates. Not getting enough sleep can also result death. Having a good sleeping habit will make one live long.
Exercise not only extends people's life, but also improves the quality of those extra years. Exercise may reduce risk of breast cancer. It can also help to control obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes. Exercise is important to our health. As long as people have a healthy life, they can live long. Quality of people's living year is likely to be improved by regular physical activity.
As long as people don't smoke, have a good sleeping habit and do regular exercise, they will be able to live long. These are essential factors for people who want to live long and they are essential to our health. A good habit of doing things will increase people's life span.
Overall, this is a fine start, but I'd go through this sentence by sentence and eliminate and/or fix all instances of repetition. For example, the first two sentences of the second paragraph repeat the word "people," and not just repeat it, but use it in exactly the same place (the last word of the sentence). In fact, you use the word "people" a WHOLE lot. I'd try rewording most of the sentences that use that word.
Also, I'd try combining many of your shorter sentences. For example, in the next to last paragraph, you can try this sentence to replace the second, third, and fourth sentences: "Exercise is important to good health; it can reduce the risk of breat cancer, control obesity and diabetes, and lower high blood pressure."
With these few tips, your essay should be greatly improved!
thankyou for your advice...It's really helpful
i have a couple comments about this forum....
first...i noticed a problem...people can't edit their own poster...for example..i can't go back and edit what i wrote...in the first post...
secondly..i think there should be some functions such as "private messaging" between Moderator and people who have joined the forum. It's easier for people who want to get message across fast....```so i hope these functions will be considered to be added to this forum. ThankS Again for yours great advices about my essay.`
While I can understand why you might want to edit your post or to have "private messaging" on the site, the nature of this service is to be a public forum. As such, the posts will be read by members and changing them later could be confusing, particularly when there are responses posted. Also, being a public forum means we cannot provide private replies or arrange for private correspondence.
I'm glad you found the advice you received helpful! I hope we can continue to provide you assistance in the future.