Life now is better than it was 100 years ago. Agree or disagree?
People's lives have totally altered over a century in which life is much more preferable. As such, some people agree with this since there have been many inventions which facilitate people to do their activities effectively. Whilst I concur in this idea, I personally argue that living in these days tends to be more challenging for some people as they face a wide range of issues which emerges hand-in-hand with modern developments.
People's lives have
totally altered over a century in which life is much more preferable. As such, some people agree with this since there have been many inventions which (that) facilitate people to do their activities effectively. Whilst I concur in this idea, I personally argue that living in these days tends to be more challenging for some people as they face a wide range of issues which emerges hand-in-hand with modern developments.
As the world(is changing or changes) changing, the first positive effect is that modern people are more likely to be convenient ( when communicating with)to communicate each other. For example, before the invention of communication technology, people rely( relied ) on letter-post to keep in touch with their family or friends which live in different places. People have( had) to go to the post office and wait for days even months to connect. Fortunately, relationships amongst people around the world are more sustainable with ease ways in the age of cell phone, Skype and other online services.
In addition, today's societies enable (people) to do many activities instantly and effectively. The-state-of-art technologies such as automatic washing machines have assisted many people to wash their clothes effortlessly. In the past, people had to spend much time and energy to deal with this activity( Add the detail... How did they wash their clothes?). By using this advanced technology, people can do other things( What things? Add more details here) which are more productive. Hence, it is reasonable evident that unless today's society has such advancements, they have to work hard to do so. ( Great! You added a good example of washing machines but did not add examples of less modern technology.)
Apart from the tangible benefits, many problems have turned up during the period of 100 years. One of these is global warming, a gradual increase in world temperatures caused by polluting gases. A 2012 study conducted by United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) pointed out that within the last century, the rate of warming across the globe has been approximately three times greater than before. Worldwide fossil fuels usage to operate manufactures, electricity and vehicles has contributed the large amount of pollution causing the Earth' surface warmer unnatural. Not only this, the problem is getting worse since global warming has led the phenomenon of climate change which causes extreme weather events (droughts, heavy rainfall or snowfall) and decreasing crop yields. As a result, people in many parts of the world now are actually in trouble so as to survive. ( This is a great paragraph that keeps me engaged! But It is somewhat off topic related to the first two paragraphs. Use your first sentences (( in this third paragraph)) to tie this in related your first and second paragraph.)
In conclusion, it seems to me that although people these days have improved in many ways since advanced technologies benefit greatly in their lives, modern people suffer serious problems as global warming has worsened compared to a thousand year ago( what about communication as you stated earlier?). Where possible, it is utterly imperative that governments and individuals have to focus on both developing useful innovations and addressing severe climate problems in order to gain an enjoyable living. < I love this ending! You have a good informative piece. I think it would be much stronger if you tied it all together. It looks like your first three paragraphs are completely different than your last two. Tie these together ( I have added some suggestions above) and it will make your essay stronger. Good luck on your next revision!
Hallo Jasmine, thanks for your comments. It is really great and useful for me.
So, do you me that my third paragraph should explain about the drawbacks related to mobile phone (para 2) and washing machine (para 3)?
In the conclusion, then, there will be two sides effects which make people's lives get both better and worse over the last century?