People living in large cities are suffering many issues every day. What kind of issues?

writing task 2 problems-solutions

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems?
Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

t is claimed that people who live in cities have suffered many issues every day. I believe that moving them to less populated towns is the best method for solving some serious issues that have arisen.

There are two primary problems that residents often face within their daily life. The first one is that citizens can easily get into mental health trouble such as stress, depression. Because they usually work hard all day in a competitive environment and also less contact with their family or friends. The second one is that the population in cities is increasing rapidly. As a result, this tendency leads to the demand for accommodations, employment, and construction.

Therefore, measures must be taken by governments to change negative questions. It is believed that governments should advise citizens to come to smaller towns because of its benefits. Firstly, in towns, they do not have to live in a tough environment which impacts their health. Besides, the local people are very friendly, and they will have more real relations. Secondly, smaller will give them more opportunities because there are fewer populated than cities.

In addition, I strongly believe that governments should move people to smaller areas to tackle problems.

The essay is more than likely to fail as it is only composed of 201 words rather than the required 250+ word count. That is the first problem with the essay. The thesis statement responds to only the second question. The first question response requirement was completely ignored. So the task accuracy requirement based on the paraphrase + question response is lacking. The TA score is facing 2 deductions immediately. Both of which will be difficult to overcome as the reasoning paragraphs are too short to be considered properly developed explanations.

While there are 2 valid discussion points in each paragraph, the uniter does not go beyond a simple statement. There is a lack of convincing explanation based on clearly connected topics and explanations. The writer cannot expect a passing score in that section either. The total presentation is too weak to be considered for a passing score.

@nguyenhi
I think there should be an "s" in the word "trouble" in line 2, paragraph 1; and "have" should be added before " less contact" in the same line