IELTS TASK2 - Should people look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched place?

Hi there, please give me some advice about the essay below. Thanks!

With the increasing demand for energy resources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such places?

in search for energy sources on earth

With the development of industry,we need more and more energy sources. There is someone that advice that people can explore these resources in some unexploited regions. But i believe this method would bring two opposite effects.

It is not an easy thing to exploit the energy resources in the remote area. At first, this is quite difficult for the team, which causes them to cost a long time and spend a lot of money. The operating costs are so huge that we could not afford it in a short time. Besides, as for the unexploited area, we will face so many unpredictable troubles as we do not have efficient and corresponding measures to solve that with our limited knowledge. More importantly,if we always rely on searching a new place to meet our constantly resource needs, there was a day that we cannot find any an alternative place.Therefore, looking for a new place cannot address the shortage of energy sources fundamentally.

However, there is no denying that exploring the remote area can benefit their economies. For instance, with the exploiting of the region, which enables to promote the relevant industry there, such as tourism, transportation and local public facilities. After that development, it will attract more talents and increase more job opportunities. But we cannot ignore that some energy sources are non-renewable resoures, which means that we would face the energry source scarcity again in the future.

In conclusion, i believe the fundamental way is to develop sustainable development rather than look for another place to consume.

Hello!
I must say that you should rewrite your topic sentences for each paragraph because it is important to give specific statement through your topic sentences. Besides, you might want to double check your grammar since there a few mistakes here.

Stella, your essay does not properly respond to the original discussion prompt that was provided. You are actually discussing a totally different topic would result in an automatic failure of your TA score. Look at the mistake you made below:

Original Question: Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such places?
Your Response: i believe this method would bring two opposite effects.

As you can see, the essay is asking you pick one of two scenario outcomes for the discussion. Either it is an advantage or a disadvantage. Your response says that there are 2 opposite effects. Which means you are not picking a side. This is a one sided opinion essay, as all Task 2 essays are unless otherwise specified. Therefore, your total discussion runs counter to the required discussion style which is a single opinion defense. As such, this essay cannot be given a passing score. Your discussion became vague and unclear due to your lack of opinion choice. That is why the overall presentation became unclear to the reader.