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Ielts task 2. "Some people regard video games as harmless fun ..." Profits and drawbacks of gaming


lananhle 1 / -  
Apr 26, 2022   #1
Topic:
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool.
Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them.

In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?



Essay:

In recent times, the playing video games considered to bring harmless joy and a utile education tool. Meanwhile, many people assert that video games bring negative effects on players. This presents both pros and cons, however, in my opinion, its drawbacks are much more significant than the benefits.

Firstly, one reason why playing games is advantageous is that can help to reduce stress after the rest of hardworking or study time. For example, the players can enjoy the stories, music throughout the game, or even chat with their friends. This not only help gamers forgets the work pressure but also improve player's mood, promote relaxation and ward off anxiety. Furthermore, one further justification which should not be ignored here is that this activity could be used in education as a useful training method. This means that these games encourage imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking, and problem solving, all of which are useful skills in real life.

However, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. It is important to remember that gamers are extremely competitive. In other words, the users usually want themselves to constantly get higher score, new targets, and frequent rewards to keep them playing. Many children now spend hours each day trying to win their friends or reach the best of high score table. As a result of getting lost for hours in a game, the gamers start to get not enough sleep, lack exercise, or lack time for real life relationships.

In conclusion, although video games exerts some adverse aspects, the disadvantages can justify these. In my point of view, playing games gain the potential dangers more than the possible benefits.

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Please give me feedbacks and corrections on my essay, thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
Apr 26, 2022   #2
While "utile" is a middle school level word, it is not an everyday English word that can be used to define "useful". I realize that the student has chosen to use an uncommon word in the hopes of impressing the examiner, and gaining a higher LR score. However, the opposite will happen when the word is used out of context, like in this case. The examiner is not looking for impressive sounding advanced English words. He is looking for everyday conversational words that easily fit in normal conversations or writing. Keep it simple. The higher LR score will come from the proper use of words, not simply from the advanced level of words used.

The writer has offered an opinion statement that leans towards one side of the essay. As such, he is expected to fully explain his reason for supporting this idea within 2 paragraphs. As he is not asked to discuss both views and give an opinion, the actual discussion should only be with regards to his actual opinion. This is not represented as a comparative essay in the original presentation.

That said, the only paragraph that will receive a score is the one related to the actual opinion. Then the essay will develop scoring problems as the presentation will not fall under the minimum word count. It will be deemed under developed and will be scored based on an incomplete defense or explanation of the given opinion.
minhtamdav 2 / 3  
May 4, 2022   #3
blatant grammatical errors in the first sentence: the playing video games considered to bring. It should be either "the playing of video games" (which sounds odd but grammatically acceptable) or "playing video games". Also, it's "IS considered" instead of "considered"
writing123 1 / 3  
May 12, 2022   #4
Meanwhile, many people assert that video games bring negative effects on players
I suggest replacing the verb "bring" with "have".
CZeSAY196 1 / 3  
May 17, 2022   #5
You used the word FIRSTLY but didn't follow up.


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