Some people are regarded to be born with certain talents, and others are not

IELTS WRITING TASK 2:

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes believed claimed that any child can be taught to become good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people are regarded to be born with certain talents namely for music or sport and others are not. Meanwhile, it is also claimed that any child are able to become an acceptable player or musician by training. To my mind, I believe that all people have their own innate capacities and if they want to be superb at fields that they have not had talent for, they still can learn for it.

To start with, all children are born with certain natural abilities. For example, one may be incompetent at learning scientific subjects but is a great language learner. One might not sing beautifully but is excellent in drawing. Personally, I believe that there are different aptitudes inside each child. The important matter is that their talents are developed by the time or not, which depends on factors such as parent's nurture, surrounding environment, ...

Secondly, it is undeniable that with inborn talents, children have ability to learn quickly and perform superiorly at the beginning. However, it has not meant that no talent, no excellent. For instance, Ronaldo, who is a famous worldwide footballer, at first did not have any innate talents for football at all. But he trained arduously to become what he wanted to be - the best kicker in the planet. And he has done it. People called him the genius of hardship. This character is a typical example proving that practice leads to success. Besides, if someone does not cultivate their talents, by the time, it will be buried. Meanwhile, people who have no capacity at first, learn it day by day and become expert in that field.

To summarise, it is essential to train to be exceptional at anything regardless of having talents or not.

This sentence has cut and paste / memorized phrases coming from the original presentation. The same word use will result in penalties for your work in the TA section as you are going to be seen as incapable of using word equivalents to help you explain the topic in your own words. Aim to change all of the keywords from the original in your prompt restatement to avoid such penalties.

The essay instruction is clear. This is a 3 format essay composed of 3 discussion paragraphs:
Public opinion 1
Public opinion 2
Personal opinion

In this presentation, your avoidance of pronoun usage portrayed the discussion solely from a personal point of view. Thus the essay will be considered and incomplete discussion and will only receive partial points, based on a personal opinion, which is the final paragraph presentation as far as the required format is concerned. Though the discussion is acceptable, there are still several errors covering various scoring considerations that will further pull down your score. One of the main and glaring errors in this presentation is the consecutive use of punctuation marks (comma and ellipses). This will definitely affect your GRA score as it shows a lack of sentence structure understanding on your part. You cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively. That is incorrect written grammar.

I would paraphrase the topic for the introduction like this:
It is widely believed that some people were born gifted in a particular field, such as music or sport and they could easily become professional people in the future, while others argue that everybody has to learn to be good at something. To my mind... (your sentence)

And the conclusion:
To summarise, to be professional in a field, it is essential to train hardly and persistently. The talent contributes only 1%, while the accounts for 99% in a successful performance.

i think you should give more evidence about children are born with natural abilities. don't give only examples. and also do not use ... when you are listing something in the essay