Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7


IELTS; what people say about advertisement?


fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 23, 2014   #1
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In several parts of this country, advertising is one of the valuable things that help the companies to improve their income by encouraging societies to buy their products even the products are unnecessary. While some people support this opinion, others dispute because they have opinion that advertisements explain them more about latest products which may develop their lives. I support the first statement because of some strong relevant reasons.

Firstly, inhabitants are easy to be encouraged by some interesting advertisements to buy something avoidable. When they watch television, they will see many promotions from some big companies that offer their new products by several interesting advertisements. The target is not only adult people, but also children who have big feeling to have something new. As a result, if the parents could not control their children to watch television, their younger generation will be influenced to ask them to buy those products. This is the main thing that parents do not like from advertisements on television.

In addition, the advertisements cannot manage their time well when they should inform adult products and when they should present children's goods only. In the night, this is the right time they could present adults' things. However, in fact, they inform adults' commodities in all time when children should not watch them. It could bring some danger impacts for young people. They are as teenagers could not understand yet how to control their sexuality in the right place. As a result, they may do some adults activities that could bring them to the criminal activities. Also, this will broke their future.

In conclusion, advertising activities bring many negative effects for society lives. This is because they only pay more attention with how much they could get customers as many as possible. So, they never pay attention with the societies who watch their advertising on TV. As a society, we should control our children well and watch them when they are watching television to block them watching adults' products which may endanger them. Also, we should give them many advices that could influence them not to buy something unnecessary.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 23, 2014   #2
In several parts of this country,

... which country?... It's better you do not narrow down the scope. Your prompt talks about a more general trend.

I support the first statement because of some strong relevant reasons.

... rather than saying "first statement" , better say what you believe directly.

Firstly, inhabitantsconsumers are easy to be encouraged by some interesting advertisements to buy something avoidable.

... Be careful of using synonyms. If you are not very sure of their usage do not use them because they may give a very different impression if used inappropriately.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 23, 2014   #3
.... Be careful of using synonyms. If you are not very sure of their usage do not use them because they may give a very different impression if used inappropriately.

This is a major mistake lots of students do. Synonyms do not help always because in a language what is most important is the usage of words. For example, take the words "smile" and "laugh" They are close synonyms, but used to give different meanings. So, if you are not very sure, don't use synonyms. Instead write your sentences with known words.

In addition, the advertisements cannot manage their time well when they should inform adult products and when they should present children's goods only. In the night, this is the right time they could present adults' things.

Your sentences are pretty confusing. The above sentence is too long. Write short sentences with better clarity.
OP fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 24, 2014   #4
which country?... It's better you do not narrow down the scope. Your prompt talks about a more general trend.

yea,,thank you for the correction, I really forgot to mention my country, Indonesia

Be careful of using synonyms. If you are not very sure of their usage do not use them because they may give a very different impression if used inappropriately.

could you give me suggestion what word that I can use?

The above sentence is too long. Write short sentences with better clarity.

could you give me a sample?
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 24, 2014   #5
Pahan:
The above sentence is too long. Write short sentences with better clarity.
could you give me a sample?

Well , the problem here is that it is very difficult to understand what you really mean. That sentence does not deliver a clear idea :( Anyway, I also feel that you tend to go out of topic. What you have to write is that whether advertisements promote people to buy things that they do not really need to buy. For example, suppose you have a good phone with what you are quite happy. Then you see a new advertisement about smart phones and then you get agitated to buy a new phone. You do not have a real need to buy a phone, but you are tempted by an advertisement to buy a new phone. Your topic is simply that and you need to align your writing with that aspect.
OP fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jan 24, 2014   #6
Ok Pahan,
thank you in advance for the example, this will be very useful for me
Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Jan 25, 2014   #7
Hi Fikri,
As dumi said do not narrow down you scope in the introduction itself
In several parts of this country, ----> instead you can use " In many countries" " Nowadays " " In this modern era" or " In today's context"

companies to improve their income by encouraging societies to buy their products --> You cannot say income here, rather you can say " In order to increase company's profit, advertisement is a tool to promote their product among people"

This is because they only pay more attention with how much they could get customers as many as possible. So, they never pay attention with the societies who watch their advertising on TV.

This above statement seems to be repetitive and also not relevant enough I feel.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS; what people say about advertisement?
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳