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Some people say that men are naturally more competitive than women

Mar 8, 2024   #1
In contemporary society, although, woman are trying to demonstrate their role in society by consecutively gaining achievements in a variety of fields, it is a minor number. I think men with innate traits are more competitive than female. In this essay, I will elaborate my opinion and explain why I choose it.

Firstly, since the dawn of civilization, while male were responsible for hunting animals to raise their family and protecting the tribes from dangers, female took over collecting fruits or taking care of children because their physical health was attributed not to be good as that of male after experiencing pregnancy. Over time, these characteristics has become a set of thought deep into community. These societal prejudices have been a hurdle in women's career advancement. To clarify, there are some cases that after marriage, wives reluctantly decide on quitting their jobs to prioritize household chores, domestic tasks, to support their husband in creating a happy family.

Furthermore, it is apparent to the majority of leadership positions in nations, certain companies are preoccupied predominantly by ambitious males. These individuals often possess strong logical skills and critical-thinking abilities, which contribute to success in areas such as strategic planning, science, and technology. Women primarily are governed by emotions, leading to be more likely to make less thoughtful decisions. Additionally, in ever-evolving technology fields, the participation of women seems to be scanty owning to the fact that they are deemed to encounter difficulties in keeping up with advancements which are placing them at a disadvantage in such intensely competitive employment environments.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that males are more competitive than females by nature because of the human's evolution and the effects that patriarchal society has on women. However, no matter how their traits are, their presence in society's growth is irrefutable.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,787 4778  
Mar 10, 2024   #2
I think

Avoid sounding uncertain when presenting discussion points. It is not good for your score since the examiner is looking for conviction or a strong belief in your own thoughts, opinions, or analysis in the task 2 essay. It is better to say " I believe" or "I firmly believe" when presenting an opinion, depending upon whether an ordinary opinion or an extent opinion is required as a response to the given writing question.

In this essay, I will elaborate my opinion and explain why I choose it.

This will be a scoring deduction for the writer's opinion. You need to provide a clear opinion based upon a summarized line of reasoning or a solid thesis statement. Restating the writing instructions will not receive any scoring consideration.

These are the 2 main errors I found in your writing. The reasoning paragraphs and concluding summary are acceptable.

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