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Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time.


Saputra Putra 23 / 10 6  
Feb 4, 2016   #1
Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

A better future for people can maintain brilliant career and great family. While it is not really acceptable since this notion will lead them to chronic stress, I would argue that focus on one choice bringing considerable benefit is utterly valued by people.

Maintaining a successful career and great family life causes overwork and eventually lead people to get chronic stress. Chronic stress is negative responding of human body to any kind of over demand. This results in people lacking little confidence, which in likely causes divorce in family and decrease dramatically capacity of work. A 2012 Leeds University carried out the research asking people driving while singing a song. The result from this research, people are less likely to finish more than one complicated problem.

With concern to take such issue into account, people should first focus on one area in order to completely gain it in order to prevent their relation in both family and work. Many people get trouble since they have uncontrollable desire to directly obtain both choices in one time without consideration about their unfairly-tight schedule and energy. Widya Astuti, a well-known Indonesian psychologist of family, reveals 83% people who are demanded divorce by their wife since such people less tend to maintain their tight schedule well.

In conclusion, with concern to prevent both relations, it is seemed unacceptable maintaining a successful career and happy family at the same time. This is important to suggest that people should first focus on one problem.

angga93 42 / 74 20  
Feb 4, 2016   #2
Hello Saputra, I think you try too much reducing your sentences. I think it makes the sentence overcomplicated and hard to understand.

Chronic stress is a negative responding (response) of human body to any kind of over demand

which in (is) likely causes divorce in family and decrease dramatically capacity of work.

and decrease dramatically capacity of work (suggestion: dramatically decrease work capacity )

A 2012 Leeds University carried out the research asking people driving while singing a song
suggestion: In 2010, Leeds University carried out a research ...... or
A 2012 Leeds University research .......


people should first focus on one area in order to completely gain it in order to prevent their relation in both family and work
using same words in 1 sentence = confusing


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