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People have a tendency to think that Art and music are too trivial compared to others subjects

yuletide 1 / 1  
Mar 30, 2018   #1
Art and music classes should not be mandatory at school.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Art and music classes shouldn't be abandoned

It is a common belief that students should focus on studying Maths and English rather than art and music. People have a tendency to think that those subjects are too trivial compared to others. However, I strongly believe that well-rounded education plays a key role in students' overall success, and discovering a talent.

Art and music are well-known to relieve one's mind and improve one's creativity. In this era where everyone is zealous for education, there are quite a number of students who get extremely exhausted, which even leads to the high suicidal rate. Art and music classes would help them relieve stress due to the soothing effect. Moreover, the right side of one's brain is highly activated by art, according to many studies, which leads to better results in diverse subjects.

On top of that, teaching students art and music enables to find the real talent which would be impossible otherwise if it is not compulsory at work. In terms of famous artists or athletes, interestingly enough, many of them did not know about their talents exceeding anyone else until their teachers found in themselves at school. Without the compulsory classes, they would merely live a normal life, not realizing the gift they are given.

In conclusion, art and music classes not only allow students to escape stress and think more creatively, but also give an opportunity to find a talented person. For these reasons, students have to take art and music classes at school.
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Mar 30, 2018   #2
I really like your essay. You have some really good ideas and have presented it well.
Few grammatical errors here and there, and it's also better to have the essay in three paragraphs.... Introduction, Body and your conclusion statement.

Grammatical corrections -
Para 1 - tendency to think that these subjects ....
Para 2 - even lead to high suicidal rates ......
Para 3 - until their teachers found that in them........ not realizing the gift they were given ( Past Tense)
It would make your essay better if you can quote one or two of these artists who were discovered by their teachers. It will certainly add more credibility to your statement.

However, I strongly believe that well-rounded education, involving music and art play a key role in student's overall success and discovering a talent. - I feel like this statement can be a perfect conclusion statement.

Good Luck! :)
OP yuletide 1 / 1  
Mar 31, 2018   #3
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it!

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